Okay, so has anyone ever hosted a yard sale? When we were kids, we had a few big sales. AAAND right before then we would go through all of our stuff and donate things we never used or no longer fit or liked or whatever. Right?
So as a kid, when I would do this, I would suddenly become REALLY possessive of my old stuff. The stuff that I hadn’t seen in months, the toys that I never played with, trinkets and baubles that were buried by junk upon stuff upon mounds upon my floor.
Okay, that sounds dramatic, but I feel this way. I feel as if, in the Spirit, that I am supposed to be getting rid of stuff, and by unearthing it, I seem to grow more attached to it.
*Sigh*
I have weird and deep-seated desires to belong. And I know I belong to Jesus, with Jesus, for Jesus, by Jesus and through Jesus.
But I struggle.
Sometimes hipsters look so cool. And I have a lot of cool friends that seem to just be themselves. And I want that. I want that so badly. But at the same time, I want everyone to like me. And I feel like I am playing both sides of the field in that I want to not be rejected for who I really am, so I am merely liked for who people see me as and not really for me. I mean, my family and super-close friends like me for me. And God likes me for me. So why, exactly, am I seeking fulfillment in how other people like me?
UGH. It’s dumb, I know, but I cannot seem to shake my insecurities.
My dear friend says that she struggled with this, too. And hope comes by taking my eyes off of myself and trying to fix myself by myself. Ask Jesus to carry me. And learn to do and to live in His strength and be weak. It is perfectly fine to be weak, as long as the one who is strong is Jesus.
So I am asking for prayer and encouragement.
Advice and comments welcome.
