Why does mission work feel always feel like a battlefield?
No, seriously. I feel like I am dodging blows all the time!! Even from myself!
DO I HAVE A FAITH PROBLEM?
I look around at the other racers on my team. They have their gear together, the fundraisers are happening, they have funding that they need and I, I am so late in the game. I am straggling behind and I feel like everything is conspiring against me going. Even people I love and care for are telling me to quit! To stay where I am at and just live and live for myself. And it isn’t working for me anymore!!!!!! Just paying my bills and keeping my head down is killing me. My spirit wants so badly to GO; to GO and follow Jesus!
And I feel so crushed. I cannot seem to escape difficulties even in my dreams. I am not having an easy time at all. People are giving where they can and it isn’t adding up. And I am trying to push out the doubts and keep fears at bay, but time is running out. At this point, I need a miracle or a blocked door. Maybe this is something that I just want so soo sooo badly just for myself. And I can’t believe strongly enough. And I can’t toil hard enough. And I can’t surrender it. GOD, help my UNBELIEF!!
My friends are trying their best to comfort me, but it is so hard. So hard!
God, give me wisdom and peace. Help me to find more of You in my dark hours. If this thing turns out, You are going to get the glory. Because in my own strength, I have already failed.
This scripture gives me comfort:
We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned;struck down, but not destroyed–always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 2 Corinthians 4: 8-11
