between january and november of next year, i expect to see things that break my heart. i guess that really only takes two steps. opening my eyes, and then looking at the world through Jesus’ eyes. Jesus was a man of compassion and a man of constant sorrow. if my eyes look at the world like his did, i’m sure my heart will be broken a lot throughout the year.
i expect that’ll change the way i view the church. james says religion that is pure and faultless is to look after orphans and widows… i think i get comfortable dealing with theology, and forget that christ summed up his theology in two things, be a lover of God and of people.
i expect i’ll hurt some of my teammates. some of it will happen because i’m going to be honest. the truth hurts, but not speaking truth is way worse. i expect myself to make sure that i’m speaking the truth in love, and that it strengthens our relationships instead of destroying them. i also expect that i hurt some of my teammates cause of my own stupidity, sinfulness and selfishness. i know those times will come, but i’m going to do my best to put others before me and ask forgiveness immediately.
i expect i’m going to long for home. and when i do, i’m really longing for comfort or for the familiar. i know it’ll be born out of a growth process i’m fighting against…and i expect that by november i’ll be a lot more capable of understanding that this world isn’t my home.
i expect i’m going to become vulnerable. i don’t like being vulnerable. i don’t like people knowing all of me. but i think because of how close i’m going to be living with my teammates, they’re going to know all of me. maybe that’s humbling, but i think it’s scary more than anything. i’m starting to pray now that God eases me into that vulnerability.
i expect to laugh a lot. i just do. life is funny. i’m going to laugh when it’s been a week and none of our team has showered, and we really smell bad. i’m going to laugh the first time one of my teammates throws up because of how gross the food someone offered them tastes. i’m going to laugh about the toilet situations in a lot of places. i can’t wait to laugh a lot.
i expect to have my prayer life drastically changed. i hope to pray with a bigger, deeper, wider faith. i want to to pray and have my prayers wrapped around who God is. i want to pray as a result of time in the word, and i hope i read the Word in a whole new way because of things i have seen on the race, because of the teammates i have, and because of the situations i’ve found myself in.
i expect to sleep well. i know we’ll be in tents and sleeping on the ground for a lot of the trip. but i expect we’re going to run ourselves ragged in various forms of ministry. i hope to wear myself out each day, using as much energy as i have to bring glory to our Father.
i expect to get vision. i think God is preparing the next step of obedience to Him even as i speak. i expect Him to continue teaching, leading and directing me throughout the next year. and i hope by november, i’m confident of what my next step is. i don’t expect to know the rest of my life, just the next step along the path of faith.
i expect to offer myself as a firstfruit to God. i was spending some time in revelation 14 today. it talks about 144,000 being sealed as holy men. whether they’re just jewish men or a representation of his entire church, john specifically mentions four things that set these men apart as holy to God. they are men of purity…not prisoners of lust or sexual sin. they are men who follow the Lamb wherever he goes. they are men defined by the truth. and finally, they are blameless – not sinless, but they repent and correct behavior as soon as they recognize it as falling short of God’s glory. i have set a goal to be these four things this year, and i expect to be closer to being defined by these things in one year than i am today.
