if i’m honest, i wrestled with whether i’ve been ‘called’ to this trip. i think there are very clear examples all through scripture that shows that God has a specific will in certain situations. there are certain times in my life where i felt like i needed to walk up to a stranger and tell them that they were loved, or that i needed to be ministering in a specific place. but the majority of my life i believe i’ve been called to follow the general will of the Lord. God has laid out throughout the pages of scripture, the type of man i’m supposed to be transformed into. and a lot of times, he’s given me the choice to make decisions between two or more great options that would let me become more like his Son. i think that he has given me a lot of freedom to minister and serve Him within that general will. more than where i’m ministering, i think he’s concerned with who i’m becoming…with that being said, here’s why i’m going on the world race.
since some point in early high school…probably the middle of my sophomore year, i knew i was supposed to go into a form of youth ministry. i watched people serve me, people close to me concerned that i would chase after Jesus with my whole heart. not only did they model for me a walk with the Lord, they also demonstrated for me the way i needed to be involved in bringing other people to a full understanding of the Lord. and God opened door after door for me to follow their example, as they followed the example of Christ.
i pursued youth ministry and for the past three years have been serving in a church in connecticut with some incredible kids. it’s a church where God has grown me along with the kids whom i’ve had the pleasure of watching develop over the past few years. about a year and half into my time at this church, my sister introduced me to the race. it was an intriguing concept. giving up everything and chasing after Jesus in an effort to see his church more intimately, to model his example more clearly, and to disciple more deeply.
chasing the purity i saw in the race, i applied for the january 08 team. i got accepted and bathed it in prayer. going on the race would mean leaving a group of students i loved and had seen growth in. as i prayed, God told me as clear as i have ever heard his voice, “the kids in Groton need you this year.” i heard some other things, but it was clear i needed to stay and minister where i was.
so i waited. and prayed for these kids. and watched some cool things beginning to happen. students were emailing me with questions showing that the Holy Spirit was working in their hearts. and there were battles. spiritual battles that needed to be faught. and relationships that needed to be ironed out. but God was faithful!
about december of last year, i started meeting weekly to pray with a deacon in my church on a weekly basis. we prayed, and i started to dream. our students needed depth to their relationships with the Lord, and i realized how little discipleship was focused on within our youth ministry (of which i take full responsibility), but also the global catholic church as a whole. and i think if we’re honest, every single one of us should long for a more intimate, discipled walk with the Lord. i started dreaming about taking students on a trip similar to the world race…teaching them to serve, teaching them to pray, teaching them to study scripture, etc. as i dreamt, i felt like i couldn’t teach something i hadn’t done. i thought about the fact that i can’t ask our students in groton to commit to our savior if i rest in the comfortable. i want them to see that i’m not asking anything of them i’m not willing to do myself. i thought about the race i had declined a few months prior, and thought about being willing to undergo a period of intense growth with a group of people who had the same goal. out of the blue one day, he asked me a question, and made some comments that i believe the Lord used to give me the freedom to know that it was alright to step aside from one ministry opportunity if it meant i was pursuing Jesus recklessly.
so i reapplied. and was accepted. the past few months have been bittersweet, excited about a new chapter of chasing after Jesus, but hard knowing that teens may feel hurt or abandoned. God’s already bringing people into place to take over as i step aside from the ministry at the end of november, but it was a hard and painful decision, the most difficult of my short life. i know i can’t plan where the Lord is going to lead me in the future…but my heart will always stay with teens. i’ve said a lot that groton heights is probably the last church i’ll ever be a youth pastor at, and that’s alright. i hope after the race, and because of the race, i will be able to help get teens founded in Christ and in the Word. and i truly believe that this is a step in the direction of me becoming the man God wants me to be. and that’s my prayer, that God would make me look more like his Son each day of our race.
