Well, it's confession time.
As much as I would like to preserve some exterior notion of a rock solid relationship with God, this simply isn't true. So long have I tried to maintain an image of unshakable faith and trust in God, but truthfully, I have doubts. Lots of them. But this morning, God disciplined me with a firm hand, and I am so thankful for that.
You see, ever since committing to the World Race, I have had this idea that I will magically have a supernatural faith as soon as I head out into each country. I have read stories on other Racer's blogs of very real workings of faith that meet people's needs, and of spiritual gifts in Racer's lives. Hearing God's voice clearly, encountering spiritual warfare and delivering people from suffering with incomprehensible belief in the authority and will of Jesus Christ. And I began to wish for those things to come to fruition in my life on the World Race.
But I had my doubts.
- That the money wouldn't come in
- That I wouldn't be able to sell all that I needed to
- That all the little miscellaneous preparations wouldn't fall in line
- That I, Chip Carnes, spiritually ungifted as I often feel, wouldn't be able to offer any real contribution to the World Race or connect with people in a Kingdom focused way.
Thus God awakened me this morning, that if I don't begin to trust Him with the little things, all of my hopes to serve and glorify Him cannot come to be. If I don't have faith that He will provide for me, how can I expect to hear His voice or know His heart.
And so, I came to a crossroads. I could choose to live in my worries, fears, and doubts. A perpetual state of limited faith and limiting God.
OR
I could believe that "God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everthing you need and plenty left over to share with others." (2 Corinthians 9:8). So no more noncomittal, lukewarm, wishy-washy faith. I choose to believe that God will provide for all my needs, that He wants this World Race to happen, and that even though events haven't transpired yet, or that I'm not yet fully funded, that God. Will. Provide.
I must urge this, that as we spend time with God, that we cast our worries aside. That we lay down the doubts that the secular world propegates in our lives, and that we allow the Holy Spirit to grow a heart of courageous faith in us. Because then, God can begin to show us His will, and His glory, and His kingdom.
If you feel called, please join me in this faith journey by finacially supporting me. By your faithful support, God will surely continue to reveal more of His beautiful nature to you and to the people that I come into contact with on the World Race.
