Now, where were we? Ah, yes, a sea of non-blissful ignorance. The best way I can describe how I was living is with a visual image provided by none other than God Himself. If you can, picture swimming aimlessly in the ocean (let's say mid-Atlantic) with no real bounds to where you are going (are you with me so far?). You are relying on your own strength and you start to recognize these floating words that happen to be things that you need in order to survive. These words give you something that you were desperate for. Each word is a something good but you know that you need more. You hesitate to go for more because of fear or lack of control of what you might find. If you pull hard enough, different words are connected to something else that is deeper under the water.
For those of you who aren't the perceptive type or particularly visually inclined- God gave this picture to me as a continual reminder of what He fulfilled on the cross and what I often times have a hard time swallowing. It represents the choices we make as we accept the abundant promises and blessings of Christ that were and are covered in His blood. All of these words are just small grains of sand of the fullness of His thoughts He has for us and the truths of His heart. God gives us the choice to believe and go deeper in intimacy and I all too often hold back, withholding truth from entering into my heart and my life.
The coolest (and most frustrating thing) about this image is that it points directly at our God-given cycle of Holy-dissatisfaction. We are designed to always want more of God and are blessed to know (and never comprehend) that there is always more of Him. The un-cool thing, however, is that I was choosing to wade in shallow waters and not get my hair wet with His blessings. He wanted (and still wants) to soak me in love and I was settling for a moderately submerged version of 'like'. Not to say that Jesus doesn't want me in nursing school or want me to chase after the dreams and passions He has given me, but I was assuming readiness while walking around with little faith in the more to come.
What then, you may ask, was waiting for you underneath the shallow water? What happened in the past few months? What decisions are you making? What aren't you choosing to believe in?
