As I slowly and rapidly reach the end of my time here in Spain, I want to be able to express what has been going on here as best as I can. I know I said I would be posting more poetry but my heart is going absolutely bananas with a little more than a few stanzas right now. It seems to me that every time I try and write a blog I can’t really seem to get any one specific thing to come up because there is just SO much going on ALL the time and now there is more than I ever saw coming. These past 4 1/2 months have been the most trying and fruitful in my life to date and I really just want to keep pressing the accelerator and really go full on balls to the wall into His crazy stupid love for us. The pace for my walk with God has truly been set as one where I never ever want to look back and absolutely want to keep moving forward as much as He will let me.
G42 is an environment of exceptional character development, excellence in passion and an absolute ocean of truth and love. Those things said, it has really taken me a lot to get to the place where I understand how much God has blessed me to be here and to be doing just what I am doing. He sent me somewhere that allows His Spirit to absolutely push me to my limits and then realize that my limits don’t actually exist the way I thought they did. My eyes keep getting reopened to newness as my mind gets blown by how much more of Him there is to get to know. I keep learning things I had no idea I needed to learn and it is always SO good. It is so incredible to know that God, the King of all Kings and Lord of all Lords loves me so much and wants to be in a relationship with me. The fact that He even lets me say His name is against all logic but He flies past all understanding and chooses to love us relentlessly. What a lunatic!
These revelations are things I have heard fly past my ears and over my head my entire life but I know that my heart has been waiting to actually absorb it and live it since before I had the first breath in my lungs. Man oh man, He is blessing me so much with His thoughts, His heart, His poetic nature, His perfect character, His unfailing grace… it has just taken me so long to grab a hold of it all. He continues to show me more and more of who He is every day and I am so baffled that I get to hold His hand as He shows me and guides me through the fullness of life. Good gravy, I’m pretty sure He’s nuts, but He is so nuts about us that the craziness is just more proof to me that He is wildly in love with everybody!
Knowing that my Dad is a madman for His kids in this beyond blessed family only makes me want Him more and more. The thing about wanting from Him, however, is being willing to ask and willing to receive what He’s got to hand to you. I have had a lot of issues with letting Him show me and give me just what He’s always had for me, but lately I have been more open handed and open hearted than I ever really thought I could be. My Spirit is going so berserk with this madness that I really was needing some sort of tangible thing to understand just the goodness of this craziness… and it turns out that my Spirit needed some meat.
About 3 1/2 years ago, God really kick started my relationship with Him and I simultaneously started living a vegetarian lifestyle. I was so sick of the way meat made me feel after I ate it that I didn’t really feel like eating it anymore. Even through the World Race and beyond, I somehow maintained my vegetarian lifestyle and never really got too phased by the idea of never really eating any meat again. The other day, however, I was absolutely yearning for more of God and really being thrust into a ruthless relationship with Him. I asked a good friend to pray for me and she actually recognized the hunger in my Spirit to just know more and more about my Father. After this hunger was recognized, I was walking around town when I heard Jesus clearly say ‘you should probably go eat some chicken’. I thought about it for maybe 5 seconds, walked straight to my house and ate meat for the first time in 3 1/2 years.
As my housemates watched me eat in awe, I knew that something was sparked in my Spirit that had never been ignited before. A series of very wild and unexpected events started to pop up that focused my eyes on Him more and more until He revealed something to me that absolutely blew my mind. When I started following Him 3 1/2 years ago, I was being lead by a whim and few prayers but I really had no idea what I was doing. I was drinking milk (and eating vegetables) but I knew all along that I had not been fully released into indulgence of His love for us and I could not digest the solid food He had for me to eat. I was yearning for Him but I wasn’t ready until I was open to receive His love and willing enough to faithfully ask for more of it. I finally got to the point where the desire and the hunger far outweighed the life of not having more of Him and He filled me with solid food!
This seemingly small event in my time here on earth is actually the benchmark of something huge- taking in the fullness of God’s love and never ever looking back. My Spirit was craving something so much more than what I was used to wallowing around in and He has delivered more than exactly what I needed. God blows my mind every second of every day but I am blessed and honored to say that He is giving me way more than vegetables. Hallelujah! He is so beyond good to us. Praise the Lord!!!
