hola! i apologize now if my post sounds a little loopy bc my stomach bug is taking its toll on me! my tummy keeps attending (only on mondays) the sick person party and i am ready for it to be over. anywho, i thought i would do my darndest to share what i have been feeling the last few days.
for those of you who don’t know, i had been living at home for 2 years prior to the world race. it is strange for me to stick around and not go on some random adventure and even stranger for me to spend the majority of my time alone. i have become pretty acclimated to spending quality time with myself, making the transition into 24/7 community with 6 other people an interesting ride.
once i finally figured out that i was stuck with these 6 very different beings for a year, i started to think about what exactly we are doing down here. we have been blessed with a nice place to live, a fantastic ministry contact and several really simple but powerful ministry opportunities. i know God gifted us with a fairly uneventful first month, but i desired to know why were specifically put in an all too comfortable situation. i had been expecting something that really threw me for a loop, instead i got something that was naturally too easy for me.
as i struggled to figure out what my challenge from the Lord was going to be, i started to realize i was being really selfish. spending most of my time alone at home usually left the ball in my court. as God often does, He slapped me with a little reality: just because you don’t feel enough of a battle doesn’t mean you’re making any less of an impact. just because you don’t feel what you want to feel doesn’t mean something within you isn’t changing. just because you want something harder doesn’t mean i am going to give it to you… and you should always expect nothing and embrace everything with an open mind and an open heart.
wow oh wow. once He smacked me with that heavy/loving dose i started to see it all become clear. everything seemed to be cast in a new light. i started to connect to antigua in a way that i didn’t really feel was possible. i started to let go of what i thought God wanted for me and let Him take the reigns. i became so grateful for all that He has provided for myself and my team. i stopped fighting the Ultimate journey and began to embrace what He wants for me. i am awake and alive and i am ready to free-fall into the unknown.
te amo mucho mis amigos!
