Absolutely exhausted and on the verge of a break down, I sat on the edge of the make shift bed I'd been using for a couple months. I closed my eyes and prayed for God to speak and immediately felt called to the sanctuary. I quickly got up, swiped my bible off the floor outside of my floral suitcase and ran towards the other building. I fell on the steps in the front of the sanctuary and began to cry. I begged God to pick me up and pull me away from the demons I had been struggling with for weeks. I broke down in the hands of the holy spirit and prayed for redemption- and it was granted.
For several months, I had been in communication with one of my best friends about the World Race. I talked myself out of applying for a long time, mainly because of the support raising. I was terrified of letting go of that aspect of my life. Move to another state? Sure thing, God. Leave the country? You got it! Disciple and share your word with strangers? Not a problem. Trust that I will provide to you financially.
wait. what?
Trust Him. Seems simple enough. So I prayed on it for a long time. I prayed about what God wanted from me and how I could go about fulfilling His will. The more I thought about the race, the more I felt called to it. I began to realize what the race had to offer me and started seeing the connections God was making between what I felt called to do and how the race would help me do those things. God wanted me to learn to address people as they best respond. God wants me to stretch my heart and mind, accept others in ways I'm not accustomed to. God wants me to be broken for Him. Absolutely, 100% broken for His love. The race presents me with multitudes of personalities, races, and cultures from which I can learn. Learn to love, help, and disciple to. In these struggles, I fully anticipate God breaking my heart and bringing me just that much closer to His compassion.
I felt something unlike anything I had ever felt before. I sat there with my eyes closed and quietly asked, "God, what can I do?" In that moment, my heart became heavy. God responded to me and his response was simple.
LOVE.
It seemed simple. Not nearly as simple when you really begin to think about it. God is calling us to love, but not just anyone. Love each other- love the impoverished, love the poor, love the disheartened, the lost. God is calling me to leave this place and love those who have never felt God's love before. God is giving me the chance to touch the lives of those who need it more despretaly than we can begin to imagine. This begins my journey of compassion, of caring, of change, but most of all- of love.
Remember Psalm 138.
