As hard as it is for me to believe, I’m done. Completely finished. After 9 months of being away, I’m about to go home. I’ve been to 5 (6 counting America) different countries since I left last September and though I’ve had an amazing time and seen God work and move in incredible ways, I’m looking forward to being somewhere where I’m not a constant spectacle. Where I speak the language, where I can eat normal food (AKA no rice), where I can sleep in my bed, walk around by myself (no buddy system), you get the point. I’m excited to see my family and friends, but though I am really excited, I know it’s going to be extremely hard at the same time.
When I go home, most of the time no-one will really understand me. Sure, people will try to and I’m extremely grateful for the effort…but it doesn’t mean it won’t be frustrating when I’m trying to explain something and nobody’s getting it. I know that it’s no-one’s fault, but that won’t make it any easier. This goes both ways though. Sometimes I won’t get it. I’ll try, but just like how I’ve been living life away for the past 9 months, everyone else has been living their lives too. The only difference is that the people at home have been living their lives together, and I’ve been the one gone. It’s going to be frustrating having no idea what anyone is talking about while at the same time not having anyone really understand me either.
The questions are going to be hard too. I know that when I get back I’ll have tons of people who care about me and will want to hear about what I learned and did, but some of the questions that I’m expecting are going to be by no means easy to answer. I don’t know what my favourite country was. I don’t have one singular thing that God taught me. I didn’t have a favourite memory on the whole race, I honestly don’t even know if I even have a favourite memory for each country. I can’t answer the general question “how was it?” without sitting down and actually telling them how it was. I can’t say what my biggest struggle or challenge was and I don’t think I can say what my greatest accomplishment was either. It’s not because I don’t want to answer any of these questions, but it’s because I honestly do not have the answers. That’s going to be extremely tough for me, as I’m usually someone who always likes to have the answers and this time I don’t.
It’s going to be hard going home and living in the culture again. Trust me; I’m excited to have hot showers where the water actually comes out of the holes of the shower-head. I’m so excited to have a washing machine so I don’t have to hand wash my clothes, as well as a dish washer, let alone having a refrigerator! (I haven’t had cold anything in 9 months.) One of the many things I learned is how wasteful and ungrateful North American culture is, and that’s something I feel like I will really struggle with. No-one at home has lived what I lived, and so they won’t understand when I start feeling frustrated because of little things that seem so unimportant. People don’t realize that my feelings of frustration are just because I’ve lived in a place where I have had the bare minimum and God still was teaching me about thankfulness and gratefulness.
All this being said, I’m praying and going to be working on having patience as I come home. For my friends, for my family, for myself, because I know there’s going to be times when I need it, and I want to ask you to do the same. Have a little bit of grace and patience for me when I need it. I’m going to get lonely even when surrounded by people who love me because my team that’s been there for the race is suddenly not constantly at my side. I’m going to get frustrated when no-one gets it and I’m going to get overwhelmed by everyone and everything, and that’s when I’m really going to need you to be patient with me. Thank you for the patience and love you’ve shown me already and I can’t thank you enough for all of the support you’ve given me the past 9 months. I can say with completely confidence that if it hadn’t have been for your support (and God of course) I would have lived a completely different past year. Thank you for blessing me in ways I didn’t see possible and thank you for listening to and following God by supporting me.
