We left Siem Reap, Cambodia and arrived in the capital, Phenom Penh. Our host picked all 8 of us up at the bus stop, our team plus our squad leader, Rosie.
We squeezed all of us, plus our luggage into a big tuktuk. Proud moment. Rode 10 minutes or so to the ferry, got on and rode 10 minutes across the river to our island, Areyksat.
The beginning of this month, I was pumped and ready to wake up at 6 am each day. And I was doing just that.
Ready to finish this season of my life called the world race strong.
While we were in Siem Reap for LDW (leadership development weekend), we met up with E squad and they were just leaving Cambodia.
One of the girls on the squad told me a little bit of her experience with physical spiritual warfare while here.
But I didn’t think much into it because I’ve experienced plenty of emotional and spiritual warfare, but no physical (that I’m aware of) yet.
I was ready for Cambodia and Vietnam.
Then, here on our island, our team leader, Anna, got sick.
2 days later, I sat down for lunch and felt this familiar feeling in my fingers.
You see, as a kid, I used to have nightmares a lot. I would wake up in tears, and I had a bed set up in my parents room I’d go to when it happened.
It was always the exact same nightmare.
And as I’ve grown up, I haven’t had that nightmare again, but I’ve felt it.
It was the most bizarre thing I still can’t explain, but during it I had all of these feelings go through my whole body, that I’ll never forget.
And I think I’m just now learning, God allowed all of those dreams so I’d know the presence of evil. Which sounds extreme, but I think that’s what I’m learning and taking away from it.
I have felt feelings from those dreams so often on this race.
“What if God’s plan for pain isn’t for you to skip it, we need a nightmare to appreciate we aren’t in it”
-KB, heart song
So I was sitting at lunch and felt those feelings in my fingers. And I knew I was going to get sick.
That night, like most, we split up to go teach English classes. Caitlin and I went together.
I had a splitting headache, which medicine was very slowly helping with, and all kinds of other pains (it felt like, anyway).
In typical Cassidy manner, I told no one.
Half way through our third and last class I turn to Caitlin and say, “I think I’m getting sick.”
Her face was great.
Our team has been under attack physically by the enemy. Which is new for me.
We were sitting in church Sunday, just 2 hours, a normal church service, and I had woken up with a sore throat, but sitting there I could feel my body weakening. Standing was an effort. And I just wanted to pray to Jesus and praise Him, “I may be weak, but YOUR SPIRIT IS STRONG IN ME!”
My team came around me after and prayed as I cried.
And the thing I think the enemy doesn’t think I realize is his goal isn’t just health right now. It’s my joy, my patience, my love. And honestly, with how exhausted and weak I am, I see moments when these slip away.
But what a testimony to let the Lord be all these things when I am so far outside of my comfort zone.
Because I’m not impatient, or unjoyful, or unloving. I know who I am.
So letting the Lord be all of those things for me, because I cant, is a little outside my comfort zone.
I’ll just put on His armor while I try to figure out this whole thing.
“Know when you’re weak, so when you’re then strong you know it’s Me”
Because this is month ten, I’m sick and exhausted but I’m trying.
*update, I wrote this last week while being sick a week. Now I am feeling much better! Praise Jesus!*
