Two and a half years ago I met my best friend. I mean really He’s been there all along, but He waited for me to realize it.
Which seems like how any love story starts out.
The girl completely oblivious to the guy who loves her so immensely.
Two and a half years ago I started walking along side Jesus, entering into this relationship that has so rightfully become the center of my life.
At that time I so desperately needed a friend, so He became that for me.
I spent so much time getting to know the Lord and growing in our relationship together, figuring out what that looked like. Then He began to show me what community with other believers looked like.
He walked with me through all of it. Each step He was there, my friend through all of it.
People know me for starting off my prayers by saying “Hey Jesus.” Because He’s my best friend and that’s the relationship I have with Him.
This past year I could feel he was wanting to redefine our relationship. But I didn’t know what that looked like, or what role He wanted to fill.
About a two weeks ago, while we were still in Albania, I was sitting outside with a cup of tea. I was watching the moon peek in and out from behind the clouds. And there was this subtle orange nighttime horizon that was lying right above the mountains.
My team mate Lindsay walked up and stood there for a minute enjoying it with me. Then pointed out the orange horizon. And said Cassidy, He did that for you! Then left.
If you don’t realize the beauty behind that, let me help set it up. I love the color orange. It’s my favorite and it gives me such joy and I see such beauty in it. So God sending me that orange horizon is such a gift.
I sat there sitting in that truth.
And I realized it.
I realized the role He wants to step into in my life.
Which is also when I realize that I’ve friend zoned God.
My heart has been so beaten and bruised. I have let people trample on it, take advantage of it, I’ve confused love for so many other things, and God wants to intervene into that and pave a new path. He wants to love this heart. He wants to mend it. He wants to heal the hurt.
He wants to show me what it means to be pursued and truly loved. But not just in a friendly way, cause He loves me so deeply and intimately.
God doesn’t just want to be my friend anymore. He wants something so much more intimate, something so much rawer.
I’ve always loved this kinda cheesy, cute quote that says, “Imagine a man so focused on God that the only reason he looked up to see you is because He heard God say ‘that’s her’.”
Well, that’s what I want.
Whether or not I will ever get married, or ever date again, or ever think about it, I want myself to be so focused on the Lord, so in love with the Lord that He has to pass me onto someone else. It won’t be my choice. I will be so drawn to the Lord in whatever other guy God has picked out.
Until then the God of the universe is pursuing me. Painting me beautiful sunsets, growing me wonderful flowers. Loving me like I have never been loved before. And I am so pumped to know what it is like to be loved like that.
