So what do blonde retro hairstyles have to do with me? Well, as I’m sure you know, I am not blonde nor do I have a retro hairstyle (although I did attempt a perm in Thailand)…so I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that I am not the original Beth Moore.
BUT…God has called me…
Growing up in the church, I have attended a lot of Christian conferences. Church youth camp?…yes, I pretty much lived there…and still do. Well not literally, but I love it so much that I still spend most of my summers at camp. Because I know what God has done and what God can do. You know those times when a special speaker calls up anyone who feels called to vocational ministry?…yes, I was that girl who bawled her eyes out knowing deep in her heart what God called her to.
But what happened since then?…Why did I forget my calling and push it aside?…Why haven’t I pursued it?
If ever you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up (at least within the last 6 years since becoming more familiar with her), I might have been vulnerable with you and told you that I wanted to be “the next Beth Moore.” It was the best way to describe the dream. Yes, you can take a moment and laugh at that thought if you’d like. I learned to do that for most of my recent life. I’m sure most of you never even knew that dream about me because I am quickly realizing that I never actually even shared that with my parents either.
But I knew (even if I wasn’t fully aware) that it was a dream…
A deep desire that God had placed deep in my heart.
I just never knew how real that dream would eventually become.
I learned to push it off and laugh at the thought of it because it seemed like such a huge dream to fulfill. I also thought I was prideful for even having a thought that big and therefore didn’t share it with many people very often. Especially in fear of being judged for my abilities, etc…you know, all of those insecurities that seem to be out of fit with the perfect “Beth Moore model”.
However, God showed up one day back in Thailand to remind me of His power. It’s a story that I never wanted to share with anyone because I was so humbled by it. I actually didn’t share this story with my team until recently because of that, and the fact that I was pretty much scared out of my mind for what was/is to come. AND I didn’t want people to think I was so crazy and wonder “what in the world has this World Race done to Carmen Record?” To answer that…A LOT actually… I didn’t realize it fully at the time, but it’s a day that [re]starts my journey into my joy in women’s ministry. It’s the day an angel showed up…
It was a lovely, sunny Wednesday morning in Thailand. I was sitting in the upstairs room of the Tamar Center (the center we worked with in Pattaya City) worshipping with a bunch of ex-prostitutes and people serving with surrounding ministries in Pattaya. I remember sitting in my chair off to the side of the room basking in the presence of the Lord and singing my own song of praise. I heard a beautiful voice off to my right singing along with me. I felt her gently pull up a chair next to me, lovingly grasp my arm above the elbow like one of my good friends would do, and continue to sing alongside of me.
As I was sitting there, she started whispering promises in my ear. She reminded me that there are still big things planned for me…BIG things. That God has BIG things that He wants to fulfill with me/through me. She remindedme that even though God is a BIG God, His BIG promises are still for me. I can’t just push Him off thinking that I’m making up my own dreams…but He in fact has these big plans…in fact, He created them!
Crazy story, right?? Now you know why I was so peacefully shaken up. At the time I had no idea what this angel was talking about. But over the past few weeks God has been speaking so clearly to me about what the angel meant. It was like He sent someone “more my own size” to remind me how powerful the LORD is and not be so scared of the BIG plans that He has for ME. He has also been sending me confirmations from people around me that this is what the LORD is calling me to, which has been insanely incredible!
I personally believe and know with all of my heart that God has been screaming these plans and dreams in my heart for having such an impact in women’s lives, much like the radical impact that Beth Moore currently has. I should rephrase the term“screaming” though…It has been more like a patient, gentle whisper waiting for me to listen to Him about the promises that He has for me. But I have been running from them for so long thinking that there was no way that they could for ME. But here I am. Now He wants me to surrender and follow the plans He has even if they seem so overwhelmingly huge for such a mortal like me.
“Why would God choose ME,” is a continual question that runs through my head.
I cry each time I think about these plans…both out of excitement and nervousness. I look around and see so many other amazing women of God who would do such a better job at this in my opinion. I am too prideful to take up this position. I am only 21 years old. How can I even help women at such a young age?
All I can say is that God has called me. He has set me apart for this ministry. And I’m going run hard after it. God has reminded me of the dream that He put in my heart many years ago. I have been called by God to work with women. Women’s ministry is definitely and totally my calling. It makes my heart sing with JOY…and we all know how important JOY is to me! :]
When a group of women are together, I am in my element. Sleepovers…dream come true! haha… I just love it! :]
And God has not just promised me a weekly Bible study for women in a cozy coffee shop. No, He has promised me BIGGER. Bigger, you ask? He has promised me a ministry that will not only impact my town, not even my state, but the nation. And not just the nation, but women all over the world. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? But I am so excited!
I have been called to this. And I know it with all of my heart. :]
Jeremiah 1:5-10~
“‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.’ Then I said, ‘Ah, Lord GOD! Truly I do not know how to speak, for I am only a [girl]’; But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a [girl]’; for you shall go to all to whom I send you, and you shall speak whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, says the LORD.’ Then the LORD put out his hand and touched my mouth; and the LORD said to me, ‘Now I have put my words in your mouth, See, today I appoint you over nations over kingdoms, to pluck up and to pull down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.'”
