So I have come to the end of my stay in Africa and what an adventure! This past month in Zambia has been full of wonder, beauty, hardships, and growth. It was all squad month, which means all 37 of us were living together in a hostel. Technically we were living in a Chinese restaurant/karaoke bar. Our water and electricity was turned off a good portion of the time and when it was on there still wasn’t much of it. We cooked all our meals together in the large kitchen that only had one burner and no oven. We lived together, ate together, shared beds, worshiped, worked, and played. It was a full month.
Our ministry had several different components. We were working with an organization known as J-Zone. We spoke and lead worship in several different churches, we visited orphans and ran day camps for them, but our largest ministry was the construction of a play park.
We were handed a plot of unruly, overgrown land and asked to make it in to a beautiful, fenced-in park that would be a safe place for the local children. We cut the grass with long machetes, cleared out all the sticks, trash, and grass from the land, put up a fence, and built a volley ball court as well as a soccer field. It was hard manual labor in the hot sun, but, by the end of the month, we had a beautiful park built.
My month looked a bit different than everyone else’s though. I had a teammate who was struggling with a medical issue that none of the doctors she saw could diagnose or treat. After many trips to the local hospitals both in Malawi, and in Livingstone we were forced to travel to a larger city 8 hours away to see a specialist.
These hospitals are nothing like what we have in America. For example, there was a sign under a window in the hospital that instructed everyone to leave the window open to reduce the spread of TB. As I sat pondering this sign and worrying a bit for our well being a young man with a large toothless grin took it upon himself to propose to me. Clearly I went to the hospital to find a husband. After dashing his hopes and dreams of marrying an American, he shook my hand commented on my calluses and left. Every trip to the hospital seemed to be filled with strange encounters and frustrating results. After several unplanned travel days, visiting ALL the specialists, and multiple medications my teammate boarded a plan for America. It was bitter sweet to have walked through so much pain and suffering with her and have to send her home. I was thankful she could get on a plane home and was going to be cared for by wonderful doctors and loved ones, but it was sad to see her go. I miss her. I also felt greatly inadequate having no way to fix the situation and only being able to sit there with her. That was all I could offer. I battled a lot of insecurities this month. Not knowing my place on the squad, and feeling frustrated by the lack of help from the doctors. A lot of insecurities I deal with back home began to well up inside me and then God did the funniest thing.
I began to hear randomly from many different places and people that I exude confidence and people began to bring their insecurities to me so we could walk through these hardships together. The Lord then called me forth to become a team leader. So, I am now stepping in to the roll of a team lead, which means I am, to a degree, in charge of my team for the coming months. This comes with a lot of responsibility and continually dying to myself and my needs for the needs and well being of my team.
I’m scared, excited, nervous, and extremely humbled. How is it that the God of the universe looks down upon me and sees more beauty and strength in me than I know I have and trusts me with parts of his creation. I am so tired and emotionally worn out from this past month and I am nervous about the coming months, but God sees more in me and wants more for me than I see myself. That is a reality and a comfort I can live in. If nothing else, I know God is on my side and has asked me to be here and fill this roll at this time for a reason.
I am totally aware that this is a very sporadic blog. I didn’t even touch on going on a safari or being pounded by water from Victoria falls or holding hands with a wild baby monkey or almost being kicked by a zebra…. It’s been quite the month…. But, I hope, in these words I passed on a few important things. Long story short, I need prayer. If you read this and you pray please pray for my team and I this next month. We will be in the Philippines. I need prayer for strength, confidence, and focus. I need prayer for funding to come in. I need prayer for…. All the things!
