Eight months ago I began a journey where I applied for the World Race, I sold my belongings, I raised 16,000ish dollars, I left family and friends and a job that I love, and I did it all because I was setting out to “change the world.” I was going to 11 different countries to minister and serve and reach the lost. I was going to embrace the nations with Jesus Christ. I was going to share the Gospel and awaken hearts to life.
I had no idea that the first heart to be shaken awake to the fullness and glory of The Lord would be my own. I had no idea that before I could effectively share the Gospel with the world, the realities and truth of that same Gospel would have to be manifested deeply in my own soul. I had no idea that before I could break chains and set the captives free, I had to recognize the chains that had bound me.
Thus far on the Race, I have been blessed with opportunities to pray for and encourage a broken woman whose 21 year old son was murdered just months before we visited her home. I witnessed a young intern who worked at our ministry site lead a woman to Christ. I was able to pray for an encourage a recently raped 14 year old girl who came to our ministry site for refuge and protection. I’ve befriended a Guatemalan microbus driver and realized that I’m apparently way more funny in Guatemala than I am back home. I have held children with disabilities close and whispered in their ear the love the Father has for them. My team fell in love with a sweet family and was lead to support some of their financial needs. I was able to share the Gospel and discuss the love and sovereignty of God with a young English-speaking man at debrief in Antigua, reminding me that some of the best ministry opportunities present themselves on off days. I was blessed with the incredible gift of baptizing a teammate. I’ve painted, worked in fields, aided in food assistance programs, taught in schools, rocked babies to sleep, washed lice out of hair, led bible studies and other typical and expected WR things.
But a month and a half into my journey, I can say with confidence that the Race is not what I signed up for.
It’s more.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I submitted my application last July. I didn’t realize the level of work and sanctification The Lord planned for my own heart. I didn’t know the growth He had in store for me as a Team Leader. I didn’t realize there were so many areas of my life that I didn’t trust Him or others with. I didn’t realize the healing that comes when you pray for The Lord to search your heart and reveal those sore spots within. I didn’t know the level of freedom attained when you bring those things before Him and before those around you in order to allow God to replace those things with greater depths of Himself. I didn’t know that I would be able to love my squad so deeply,so quickly. I didn’t know that I could live without so many modern comforts and yet be so deeply satisfied. I didn’t know the level of trust that comes when my evangelizing heart is met with language barriers. And I didn’t know just how much The Lord leaps at opportunities to shatter those language barriers with His universal love. Even after years of mission experience, I didn’t realize the depths of soul satisfaction I feel when ministering on the field. I didn’t know that although trying at times, how deeply beautiful and comforting being surrounded by 40 squadmates bound in vision and mission and love can be. I didn’t know that living in community meant everything from checking each other for lice to movie night slumber parties to walking through the fire and resisting the enemy with one another. I didn’t know just how much The Lord can use something as simple as a smile and a joke to minister to people He puts in my path. And most of all, I didn’t know how much the Race was about The Lord daily (and monthly) shaping me into the woman He desires me to be.
My mission to pour out is great, yes, but I’m learning that the Lord’s mission to pour into me is greater. I signed up for the Race in order to bring Jesus to the nations. But I’ve discovered that more worthy than my goal to bring my wisdom and revelations and experiences of my Savior to people is His goal to so pour into me that His radical love overflows and spills forth from His redeemed daughter. Taking the Gospel to the world by my own power is not nearly as effective as falling so irrevocably in love with my Jesus that the world can’t help but see it. Drenching myself in the Gospel every day is the best way I can evangelize to the nations. The Lord’s pursuit of my heart takes precedence because the broken people of the world are more drawn to the love of Christ when seeing this relentless pursuit and redemption and sanctification played out before their eyes.
I may not have signed up for this, but I’m all on board with it now. This year my goal is to grow in intimacy with my Redeemer, my Bridegroom, my Jesus – to lean into Him and allow Him to capture my heart with a love so bright and so unveiled, that through His pursuit of me, those I encounter will catch His loving gaze upon them as well. I challenge you, wherever you are, to do the same. Lay aside your own efforts for a moment and rest in The Lord. Allow yourself to be so consumed by Him that the world can’t help but take notice.
I love you all so much. Thank you for loving me and supporting me so well.
PS I just talked to my brother and sister and it made my day. I may or may not have been coerced into adding this statement. You decide. The truth is CRYSTAL CLEAR. Eh, B-Mase? See what I did there? Crystal CLEAR. Signing off now. Love and hugs from Guatemala!
