At launch, we are asked as teams to come up with ‘norms’ for each month. One that my team came up with was to fast from something one day a week, and do communion together at the end of the month. Going right along with our name…we are taking it to the ‘xstream’ this month. We decided to do a 20-day fast. I want to share with you my journal entries as the fast was going on. This is the day before the fast: We start tomorrow and I’m a little bit nervous. We will finish up the day before we travel to debrief and have communion together that evening. I have never done more than a 1 day fast and I am usually bitter most of that day. I have big expectations for what is going to happen with me and God. Although if He has been teaching me anything this month already, it is to lay my expectations down because they are rarely met in the way I expect them to be. In preparation food wise, I have been eating much smaller portions hoping that I won’t go nuts without food. At home, I eat all the time! It’s already been different here because I’m not crazy about the food so it’s been easier to eat less. But nothing? For 20 days? I honestly get sick when I don’t eat. I know that it is going to teach me to lean on God…but if I’m being honest, it still makes me nervous. I’m afraid I’m going to be super cranky not only with my team but that it will affect my ministry to the boys. We are asked at launch to have a willingness to change. Fasting has been a spiritual discipline that I’ve never really had a desire to practice. That’s because I love food. Most of me is excited about the opportunity. God is going to break me…I’m sure of it. I’m hoping that God teaches me so much through it. I also hope I can be open to it…and not just be so focused on my hunger. Here goes nothing J Day 1 was great! God showed up and gave me energy and sustained my hunger. Any time I felt hungry, I was reminded to pray. I was able to spend hours with God this morning. I’m surprised at how joyful I feel today. Felt lots of energy, even after I played volleyball I felt good. Day 2 was rough. Felt nauseous. The heat combined with the empty stomach was not good. Good conversations with teammates in the downtime. Was able to narrow my focus for the fast. Day 3 was a good day. I felt good, but my energy was definitely down. I woke up early with my mind racing about my focus for the fast. I’m anxious for learning the answer. Day 4 I had a great morning, but volleyball took a lot out of me. I got dizzy while playing and the guys could tell so we stopped early. There is my fear coming to life, the fast is interfering with ministry. Day 5 – 20 days turned into 4 ½ days. We were having a hard time finding joy in our work. I don’t know from experience, but I would assume that a fast is full of ups and downs…I clearly went through ups and downs in a week. I would assume that things would have gone back up, but the day we broke it they were definitely down. The boys at Teen Challenge were starting to notice that we weren’t feeling good. For a girl who has never done more than a 1 day fast, 4 ½ days did a lot of work on me. For the first time in my life, I really had to lean on God to give me physical strength because I had no nutrients in me. I definitely have a new understanding of what it is to be hungry when I am wanting to help the hungry out. Maybe one day I will do a 20 day fast. For now, I am thankful for what I learned during my fast. I am thankful for learning and being able to practice new spiritual disciplines that will bring my relationship with God to a deeper level. Even though we are eating again, we still have a lot of down time. I still get to spend hours upon hours reading my Bible and praying. God is definitely teaching me to slow down and to appreciate this time with Him and my teammates. I will admit, that I was not happy knowing that we were going to have so much down time. We’re on a mission trip! We’re supposed to be living missionally. I know a different meaning for that than I used to. It’s a way of life. We should love God first and others second always. Whether I am in Cambodia or Texas. Whether I am surrounded by the poor or by my family. Whether I have a formal outlet to do ministry or it is just being intentional about smiling and saying kind words to everyone we encounter. Our life is a mission field. We are all missionaries. I am not a missionary because I left my home to tell people about Jesus. I should always be doing that. I should always be able to find ways to love and serve people. This month, I get to further my relationship with God. I get to further my relationship with my teammates. And I get to work on some things in me. This is my life. We don’t have as many ‘scheduled ministry opportunities’ as we will in other months and there is a language barrier that complicates us just going out into the community and forming relationships. I am coming around to being ok with my ‘ministry’ this month being to my teammates and myself.
I read this every morning of the fast: “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter – when you see the naked, to chothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?” Isaiah 58:6-7
