Before coming on The Race, I had these huge expectations of what I thought Africa would be like for me. Expectations of bells and whistles-big things happening in big ways everyday. The expectation that I was totally in love with Africa (or so I thought) and that it was the place to be. I have found that Africa is often times this romanticized place in the eyes of most American Missionaries. This idea that you have made it as a missionary if you have been to Africa. The epitomy of mission work.
Now, after spending 3 months in Africa, my thoughts have changed, as have my expectations. I think at first, I was disappointed in Africa, not because it wasn’t awesome-it was, but because the expectations I had weren’t being met. I wasn’t experiencing the bells and whistles that I thought I would experience. I wasn’t seeing people healed dramatically. I wasn’t witnessing crazy things like casting out demons and all that stuff. Instead, I found I was living a life that was pretty ordinary, sometimes downright boring. In America, you hear alot of talk about how exciting it is to go to Africa and have the “bush experience”. Well, living in the bush for the last 3 months I can say this…it is a once in a lifetime experience, that is for sure, one in which I think every person should experience at some point in their life, but the reality is that after 3 months in the bush your flesh wants to take over. You get tired of no electricity, having to carry water everyday, bucket showers, squatty potties, and ginormous cockroaches and rats that share what little space you have.
I think the biggest expectation that I have had to grieve is that before the Race, I thought I was totally in love with Africa. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Africa, it’s just that I’m not IN LOVE with Africa. I say that because over the last 3 months the Lord has shown me that Africa isn’t where He is calling me, and I always thought that it WAS.
Earlier I mentioned my expectation of “bells and whistles”-what I thought “bringing Kingdom” meant and looked like. And that isn’t it at all. What have I learned instead? Bringing Kingdom here to Africa over the last 3 months had nothing to do with bells and whistles-it’s sitting under a mango tree on grass mats on a hot day, praying for a woman who has spent her life searching after the Lord. Praying over a woman who comes before the Lord broken, having nothing else to rely on but HIM. It’s sitting under the same tree, praying healing for her sick grandbabies who may have malaria and are malnourished. “Bringing Kingdom” is going on a prayer walk, not really knowing where God is going to lead you, and ending up in the home of a church member, sitting on their cement floor for 3 hours as you answer all the questions the husband has about the Lord, and then getting to see and witness him on his knees before God in his own living room, asking for repentance for the things that he had done.
“Bringing Kingdom” is walking the same path to the church that you walk everyday, and getting to see the joy on the kid’s faces as they run up to you saying, “Mzungu! Mzungu! (white person in Swahili)” The same kids that were scared to death of us when we first arrived here in Tanzania now come up to us with such joy and laughter, and literally hang all over us! “Bringing Kingdom” is bringing the light of Jesus into a very dark place spiritually, not by words or deeds, but just because we have Christ IN US, and HIS LIGHT shines on everything we touch, everywhere we go. Just our presence has changed a community.
So, Africa has not been what I expected it would be. It may not be where God is calling me, but it WILL forever hold a very dear place in my heart. Here, God showed me what it really looks like to minister day in and day out. God has shown me a lot of life lessons in this place, and I won’t forget them. Africa is beautiful. It’s people are even more beautiful. God is here and He is working. I may be leaving Africa in 2 weeks, and it may not be where God wants me, but a piece of my heart will always remain in this place.
