Yep. I was told this by a teammate yesterday, and it was a monumental thing. I wanted to laugh at the statement even then, but she was so right and on point that I didn’t dare. This “real human” conversation completely changed our relationship.
We can now be in a room without the tension being so thick one could choke. We can have smalltalk with one another. We can be nice to each other, but it had to start with me doing the same as she had– being open, honest, real, and raw. I had to be willing to expose my mess, instead of keeping it hidden and all tied up in a pretty little box.
How many of you do that? Keep everything all wrapped up in pretty little boxes? I’m really good at it, but it isn’t healthy. It isn’t healthy to not let it out, but instead we need to talk to our Heavenly Father about it, ask Him about the root issues and root hurts, address them for what they are, have accountability regarding them, and ask for healing, forgiveness, redemption and FREEDOM to be born out of it. This is what God promises He can do for us, but we have to be willing to take the first step: ADMIT there’s a problem, and then be willing to go through the mess.
Nope, it’s not fun. Nope it’s not pretty. But in order for growth to happen, we have to get dirty.
My mom likes to say I don’t like to get dirty, and she’s right. I like to look put together. I don’t like to look dirty or be dirty. Many laughed at the thought of me doing this race, because they know I like to be “dressed for the occasion.” This is why it took me so long to get here, because just like I physically like to be “put together”, I spiritually and emotionally like things to be all “nice and tidy,” but…
There is great power in being vulnerable. In exposing the mess of our lives. Because we’ve all got loads of mess. And being a real human with real problems is a lot more relatable than being an unapproachable mask that is supposedly “put together.”
Now, I don’t have it all figured out, and I never will. This vulnerability thing is a real struggle, because the Devil has been telling me that no one wants to hear it. No one cares enough about me to here the deep stuff. No one wants to hear about how much of a mess I am, or they wouldn’t like me or be friends with me. That if they really knew me, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
Lies such as these say that the mess needs to remain in the dark. But this is my “coming out party,” y’all…
This blog is going to be about my mess.
This blog is going to portray a real human. A real human who struggles with the basics– how to trust, how to love, how to communicate, how to go deep.
Sometimes, it’s going to be uncomfortable, but I’m NOT sorry for it, because this year is about growth. It’s about going deep and learning how to love the way Jesus loves. My responsibility is to share that process with you so I can be a witness here in Asia, but also to others back home because I know that I’m not the only one who struggles. I’m not the only one who needs to expose and address their mess!
The mess that I have previously mentioned and that I am seeking to understand the roots of right now is that of TRUST. I struggle mightily with it. Why? Because I’ve been burned by people. I’ve had friends say they were my best friends and then they weren’t. I’ve had people talk about me behind my back. I’ve been a bad friend, too. I’ve lied and cheated and allowed things to fall through the cracks SO. MANY. TIMES. So in my head, I began to tell myself that if I can’t trust me, and I can’t trust others, why should I trust God? I began to have low expectations of Him, because I had had so little faith in myself or others.
So if you struggle with these things, know this…
God will NOT walk out on you.
God won’t say He will be there when in reality He won’t be.
God won’t talk about you behind your back. (my middle school and high school girls, this one’s for you. Believe it. Rest in it.)
God will not make you take care of everything on your own.
God won’t lie to you.
God doesn’t make promises He won’t keep.
God will take care of you.
He will be your bridegroom.
He will be your protector.
He will be your friend.
YOU CAN TRUST HIM.
And if you trust Him, and seek Him, He is going to put people in your life who are going to be solid, Christian brothers and sisters who want to hear about the mess. People who want to walk through the mess with you, who want to celebrate with you in the spiritual victories, and who want to mourn with you when things seem most bleak. They are going to be willing to have the hard conversations. They are going to call you out and onward into bigger things.
So, there it is y’all. Exposed.
So I challenge you to ask yourself….
What lies might you be believing about God and who He is?
What might you need to expose today and bring into the light?
Stay tuned for more soon on this subject of trust! Thank you all for the prayers, encouragement and support! I love you al!
