Starting the process of goodbye…
bites.
And with this discovery comes such a wealth of emotions.
I have struggled with rejection as it felt like friends didn’t seem to grasp the magnitude of the fact that I won’t be in their space this next year. I felt an urgency to want to spend time with them that didn’t seem to be reciprocated, and that hurt. (SEEM is the operative word here)
But then I realized that I am trying to receive love in the form of time spent (AKA my love language) from broken and BUSY people, and honestly was placing too many expectations on relationships that have changed and must change. Feeling rejection’s sting, as my option B I went to the One who could make all things right, and realized that instead of placing priority on these earthly relationships, I need to– more than anything–be seeking that time with Him… as my Option A. His love is ALWAYS better! I had my priorities completely out of whack, and I began to see this as it felt like I was getting a hug from Him that low morning as I got into my hammock to spend time with Him. One of the first songs that came on my iPod was YOUR LOVE IS BETTER (music and lyrics below). It was right where I was in that moment….
I close my eyes, there’s a question deep inside
Will you guide me through the night
Will you calm the storms of my life
Cause all these walls I’ve built are comfortable
And the world outside is loud
When the voice I trust is fear and doubt
I don’t need Your guidance now
All my walls and my defenses fall
Fall to the ground
When the warmth of your light
Shines all around
Your love is better
Than all the world can give
Your love is better
Than all the world can give
Will You save me from this emptiness
Will You lead me in to peace
Will You save me from this loneliness
Will Your hope my fears release
All my walls and my defenses fall
Fall to the ground
When the warmth of Your light
Shines all around
Your love is better
Than all the world can give
Your love is better
Than all the world can give
…And with tears streaming down my face, I said thank you.
Thank you for giving me love, acceptance, peace, wholeness, and a change of perspective.
Thank you, Papa, for being exactly what you say you will be– friend, lover, comforter, Father.
Thank you for showing me my wrongs, and tearing down my defenses and walls.
Thank you for being exactly what I ALWAYS need, and so much more than any earthly friendship, romance, or appearances can be.
Thank you, daddy, for loving me MORE and for always having time for me and all your children.
Thank you for being MORE THAN ENOUGH.
And with this time spent in You, I realize this process of leaning on you heavily is already beginning, as I am forced to step back to assess relationships, assess perspectives, and recognize my wrongs. This process of goodbye is forcing me to step away from the people and places my heart has come to love, but the purpose is YOU and YOU are giving me so much as I see that I must come to be satisfied in you and you ALONE. And that morning you showed me that you are true to your Word in this– you can be, and always will be, EVERYTHING I need.
So though this process hurts, I thank you for the gift that this is. Continue to break me so that I run faster, and first, into YOUR arms.
And you know what, readers? Despite being more than enough for us, He also knows us and our desires, and because He delights in granting us the desires of our hearts, I had quality time with many of these friends I love beginning that very afternoon! And as I reflect back on that day and those following it, I realize I wouldn’t want my time to have gone any other way. I wouldn’t want more time with those friends, because had they been available when I wanted them to be, I wouldn’t have spent that time with Him. I wouldn’t have learned this lesson.
He couldn’t have shown me how rejection can be beautiful.
So, in parting, here is YOUR LOVE IS BETTER by Will Reagan and United Pursuit….
