Just finished listening to "Say Something" from the band A Great Big World, and I couldn't help but think that the lyrics are what I say so often to God…
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Have you been there with God before? It's much like me saying "Tell me what I want to hear on my time table, or I'm done!" I've done that a lot as I pushed "pause" on this World Race journey. I also reacted this way after grad school when I felt like I had no choice but to move back to Houston, but I did so "kicking and screaming" because I couldn't believe God would make me leave DC, where he had given a wonderful group of girlfriends through Bible study, had me in the center of my chosen field, and where I had a wonderful church home. I had come to know Him there, so why would He force me to leave? I was so angry at Him, I even tried to prove him wrong, but friends I don't encourage this. You probably already know what comes next: miserableness. Because I was supposed to be in DC, I refused to go to church because I'd never find as good a church as MBC; I refused to go to Bible study, because it would never be as great a community as my DC small group; I refused to explore Houston because it was boring in comparison to DC. I lived angry and "alone" for a solid 6 months, and made everyone around me as miserable as I was. Thankfully, I finally asked Him to take away my anger and give me a new heart, open to being in Houston if that is where He wanted me. It is one of the moments I will never forget because it was an instantaneous weight lifted off my shoulders… He gave me a new heart, a new perspective, and just a few short months later I was in my Sunday school class and met a kindred spirit in my friend, Hope, and she introduced me to this thing called the World Race!
All this said, let me encourage you to learn from my mistakes… don't put limitations on God. Be patient in the waiting. Trust that He has a better plan than you do, and that no matter what trials He puts in our lives, they are there to teach us and are a part of His greater plan that brings glory to Him. As I say these words, I realize how much I need to take heed of these thoughts as I get anxious over support-raising and the amount of things that I have to accomplish before I leave in July. Lord, give me a heart that trusts in you daily. Give me a heart that reflects yours, and give me patience and motivation in this season where I so easily get overwhelmed with my many obligations. Help me to turn my life over to you daily and therefore manage the onslaught piece by piece. Thank you for blessing my life and giving me a life that is greater than I could have ever imagined. Amen.
