God has really been revealing idols in my life, and one of those struggles that I am learning to put on the back-burner is self-image defined by how I'm dressed. For too long, I have allowed myself to be defined by that day's outfit (reading over this, please know I realize how vain this all sounds :-/).
I have an eye for design… I like to say I was born with it, because I come from a very artistic family and can't explain it beyond the fact that I can simply see what works together. I don't say all this to "toot my own horn" but to say that as a result of this eye for fashion/design, I have allowed it to overtake me for far too long. God has really helped me this past year to become very acutely aware of this as an idol in my life. I have been bothered by the fact that family and friends have made comments like "Beth can't live without shopping" or "Ooh, I love ______________! It's gorgeous!", etc. etc. I know they don't mean harm by it, and I appreciate the comments for their effort at being complimentary and kind, but for me it has in many ways become equivalent to "nails on a chalkboard" because it is a reminder of what I don't want to be. Why? Because I have become aware that for too long it was how I captured attention, it was the first thing people noticed, but most of all, it was putting materialism and my own wants and desires over my relationship with God. I've realized that I don't want to be that girl anymore. I have begun to see that God calls us to moderation and he calls us to use our financial blessings for His Kingdom.
You see, I want to leave a legacy beyond the clothes I am wearing. I want my legacy to be ALL about Him. Am I saying that I am throwing out everything I own? Will never go shopping again? Will never again wear a cute outfit? No, absolutely NOT and I don't think that is what God is calling me to. I will still dress cute and I will still enjoy the process of shopping and creating, but my desire is to be much more aware, thoughtful, intentional, and much more selfless when making my purchases.
Frustrated by the enticements of all the cute and latest items on shelves, I have honestly cried quite a bit since becoming aware of this. I have been angry and have asked why He has given me these interests and gifts when they have a tendency to make me so me-centered, but then I realized I was looking at all this from the wrong perspective. Instead of bemoaning this gift from Him, I started praying that He allow me to use this gift for His glory. It's honestly quite exciting to see what He has revealed to me when I turned this area of my life over to Him. Not only am I making better financial decisions and being a better steward of my money, He has revealed to me a company who can provide me with an opportunity to bless the nations for Him through design. My hope is that upon completion of my World Race that I can possibly work for Noonday (if God leads me back stateside), or in the very least be thankful for opportunities where through my shopping I can have a Kingdom impact. God is sooo good, as he brought this awareness to me to help prepare me for World Race, where I would leave virtually all my material possessions behind! Not to say I have not traveled and done such a thing before, because I experienced how nice it was to be free of "stuff" when I studied abroad, but I'm so excited to be free of these things for 11 months and feel and understand how much life I can live without stuff bogging me down! I know that there is so much freedom there!
Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter.
-Proverbs 24:11
"having seen all this you can choose to look away, but you can never again say "I did not know"
