So yeah, I couldn't wait 10 days that time either…but we'll get to that 🙂
The next few days I was lit up like a sparkler spewing sparks wherever His hand waved me. The Hyltons took me in and I immediately had to share with Jeff about Angie. Shortly after, I found myself telling the story to his family as a witness to them of how God moves and what it looks like to walk by faith. (I love the way they've decided to invest in their children and others.) Part of me was trying really hard to keep all of this as low as possible seeing as though I had next to know response from Angie…ever. YET, I just couldn't stop talking about her. I was consumed with her. She invaded me and it was my delight to surrender to it.
The first full day that I was there ended with a local youth group coming over to use their property. I was attempting to lay low and just rest but felt compelled to join them for their worship at the dock. One by one they started pepping each other up for the start of school and how they were going to live this year…and something started to burn in me. I paced for awhile and then exploded a few things on them. Some were touched but God gave me one in particular who came and sat with me for a couple hours to let me fill him up. He's a warrior.
The next days consisted of serving the Cambodia team that's committing to 2 years or longer and are going to be beautifully wrecked for His intimacy while there! I also got a chance to sit in on a little bit of the Alabama crew debrief. With each group, God was giving me very specific knowledge or wisdom for specific indivduals and I was right on…Many of them confirmed that I had been hearing from Him and that what I talked to them about was exactly what they needed to hear or were struggling through.
The reason why I mention this is because God then turned to me and said "You are hearing correctly with each of these people…I just wanted you to know that you are hearing correctly with Angie as well!!!"
Those first few days after she left, God start demolishing my heart with a tenderness for Ang. Then He, like an excellent violinist, gripped his bow, closed His eyes and started expressing His song of delight in her through the chords of my heart. Somehow the things He was saying to me were being harmonized by the thought of "us." The walls I had built were crumbling quickly with each devastatingly beautiful comment.
"You've trusted me with her heart…now I want you to trust me with yours…"
"Benny…you've tried to honor your wife your entire life…why as a good father would I be punking you now?"
"You've blessed me through your desert place and your storms. Now I want you to bless my name through my goodness and sunshine."
"For years you've known the first part of the verse that says "hope deferred makes the heart sick" and now I want you to know the second part that says "a longing fulfilled is a tree of life…"
He kept dropping comments like that which somehow seeped through the deepest cracks of my heart and into my foundation. He was telling me to pursue her and to trust Him with my heart. I was thankful because for years I had tried multiple times on my own strength to no avail. After the last effort I kind of threw it to Him and said "hey, please get me the bride you want me to be with…just let me know which one and I'll run hard after her." It turns out that He's a really good match maker if you can choose to trust Him and wait.
Then one night I was sitting in the hot tub with my boy Tim Dixon and we were chatting it through and out of some deep area in my heart I just blurted out "I'm going to marry the piss out of that woman." Yeah, so probably 95% of you really don't know what to do with that last statement so just read it as me really desiring to marry her 🙂
Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks… I had to just sit there still and let the weight of that statement saturate me and clothe me with confidence for a few minutes before I was ready to move along with our convo.
That's when I knew.
I had at this point talked with her less than an hour total in life. I still didn't know how old she was or if she was in a relationship. I didn't know her family situation. I didn't know if she had a degree or not. I didn't yet know that she liked milk chocolate with hazelnuts, or wine and disliked orange and purple. All I knew was I had a deep desire to get groceries with her. I longed to have her as my partner wherever I went. I savored the thought of sitting next to fires overlooking water and counting His blessings among the stars with her. My soul was satisfied with His decision and I looked forward to the adventure called life I had in front of me to discover the depths of her…
But how?
God how is she going to get on the same page?
How long is that going to take?
How do you want me to pursue???
to be continued…
