"You are about to have your wife soon!!!"
This was the fascinated response from a man who I had just met days earlier in the Amazon jungle. I'm not sure that he's ever really been out of the jungle in his life and that in itself sometimes blows my mind. He's the pastor of a church going through some really tough things in a pretty harsh community in an isolated area of the jungle. The two of us had been talking for quite some time through one of my two fantastic interpreters about Galatians in the bible. Yet, the response above was what came out of his mouth…
I was taken back a second because that came out of left field and I was trying to piece together how he got onto that page. By that time, my translator was excitedly agreeing and trying to prophecy it all over me like a new mother would shower future goodness all over her newborn. I composed myself through a chuckle and hid it in my heart.
Now it would be considerably different if this was a one time deal…but it wasn't. You see, all summer, God had been whispering to me that He was going to be giving my wife to me soon. First it was just whispers to me. Then He started to give my team members dreams and visions about me and her one by one. "Randomly" throughout the summer I'd have one come up and say something like:
"Hey, I had this dream about you last night and I think it was God. I don't remember it all but you had your wife and that time is coming soon…"
"Hey benny, while we were worshiping this morning I got a vision and in this vision you were walking up this mountain. You had been on some hard paths and were pretty high up there. You had been walking alone for quite some time…well, I mean you had Jesus with you…you know what I mean. Anyway, He told me that you already knew this and He wanted me to tell you anyway, but your wife is just around the bend. You'll be walking with your partner REAL soon…"
"Hey benny, I just wanted to let you know that God told me this morning that you and your wife will know you were meant for each other in less than two months…"
Yup, just one after another. He was getting my attention 🙂 In the "christian world" these are all "words" you want to hear and look forward to hearing. Yet, these are also often very poorly timed "words" and can be really careless or even damaging to the one hearing them. There is such a guarded hope that tends to rise up in our hearts that maybe, just maybe, there really is a tangible response in the form of a significant other to the hopes deep within me. Well, He was starting to unearth some of the longings and hopes that I've hidden deep within me by barraging me.
Meanwhile, let me jump back a little ways to training camp. While there, I was approached by AIM to pray about possibly co-leading the first Real Life Immersion team. This team would head out for 9 months to Honduras then Thailand and finish up in Kenya. After about 5 months of prayer, I was the only male they had asked to pray about it so I gave it quite a bit of weight. So, as the summer wore on, I started spending more and more time considering this option. I really honestly went back and forth with it quite a bit until I had about two weeks left in the jungle.
That's when I had a conversation with God that started out much like this:
"Well? What would you like me to do?"
"Well…what would YOU like to do?"
"I don't know. I'm really ok with either choice. I know that a lot of people back home won't really get it if I take off yet another time…some will just think that I can't say no. I really can though and that's not the deal. I guess I'm really ok with going or staying."
"You know that I'll bless you either way. I'm not here to force you or command you to do anything with this."
"Yeah I know."
"So, what would you like to do?"
"I'm really not sure. Some days I'd rather go and some days I'd rather be back in Marquette for awhile. I know that I don't have to go and I don't have to stay and that you'll continue to love and pursue me either way. I know that you'll give me your favor and won't waste any of my steps. I just really want to know what you would prefer me to do."
"I want you to go back to Marquette and prepare for your bride."
Woah…that kind of caught me off guard. Even after a summer of Him telling me that He was giving me my wife soon, I didn't really think He meant soon enough that a 5 month commitment overseas would affect the timeline too much…As soon as He gave me that last response though, I was ready to make a firm decision and was completely ok with it! So, I called up AIM and the paraphrased conversation went a little like this:
"Hey, T, I just wanted to let you know that I've been giving this Immersion trip a lot of thought and prayer."
"Yeah, have you come to a decision?"
"Yup. I've decided not to go. Thank you so much for honoring me in the process and I know that God has got the perfect person for it."
"Yeah, He knows what He's doing. I'm not sure what all the purposes were for Him laying you on my heart for you not to be going but His ways are higher than ours…So, what are your plans instead?"
"Well, I'm going to Marquette to prepare for my bride!"
"Wow, that's exciting. Who's your fiance?"
"Ummm..don't have one yet."
"Oh, well who are you dating?"
"Yup, I'm not."
"How long ago has it been?"
"ummmmm"
"So who's the lucky girl you're going to pursue?"
"GOOD QUESTION!!! I don't really know yet…but I'm going to have my wife soon!"
"Haha, well good. I'll be praying about that for you…let me know how that goes…"
For the record, my friend does hear from God and she did actually trust that I was hearing from Him. However, it probably wasn't your normal conversation starter.
Anyway, almost immediately after I shut that door, God started bombarding me once again with intimate info on Angie's life, or more accurately her heart. Then one day while I was at a youth conference my team was putting on in a remote nook of the jungle, He obliterated my mind. Looking back I find it kind of funny that it was a conversation that shattered me and not the instance a day earlier when God multiplied food in front of our eyes. I'll save that story for another day I guess. Regardless, let me set the stage for you.
Our team had just taken about 50 youth up the Amazon (or a tributary) to a camp that is only used for indigenous tribes. It really was a special honor that they let us white Americans use it in the first place. We had a couple days planned of teaching, playing and encouraging each other before heading back to Nauta. The cost for the trip was like 3 soles which is approximately $1 per high schooler…There was concern that it may have been too much of a sacrifice for some to make and that some youth might not make it because of that price…
Our team had to wrestle with that and the question of if it was worth some not coming for others to learn to walk by faith that their money would come in…while full well knowing that anyone of us could have paid for them all. That day they got a taste of the mindset of someone who is truly poor in spirit. Regardless, here we were along the riverbank in a gorgeous location with rainbows and jungle and pleasantness all around. Cows grazed. There was green grass and colored leaves that had strewn the roots of various trees. It smelled fresh…almost crisp but not quite cool enough. There was excitement in the air and things were coming together as smoothly as our team saw in it's time together.
Well, one morning, we arranged for a time for everyone to be still and just try to listen to what God was saying to them. It was an intentional time of the day set apart to listen and I was eager to join in as a participant. Here's a snippet of my convo (some pieces are just for me and Him though so you get the abridged version) after some time of slowing myself down and resting.
"Hey, remember Angie?"
"Yeah."
"I've put a lot of trust in her. She's gone through a lot of hard, dark things but it's refining such a pure and deep trust that moves me."
"Wow, that's pretty cool."
"Yeah, you know how a lot of people talk about how they really desire being in my presence?"
"Yeah."
"You have no idea how much I long to be in HER presence…Every time she invites me to be with her it just melts me."
"Yeah? wow. That's crazy…"
*I pause for a second to reflect on that and to wonder if He loves being in my presence too…*
"Wait…why are you telling me all of this? Are you trying to set me up for another possibly awkward convo? Am I suppose to jump to conclusions after a summer of telling me that my wife is coming soon and then this??? How am I supposed to respond? What exactly do you want me to do with all of this?"
"I want you to invite her to come live in Marquette."
"WHAT!?!? That's all sorts of not ok. That's not culturally ok ANYWHERE!"
"Why do you care about what your culture thinks?"
"OK, you got me there. I don't want to live by those perceptions and expectations of me…but really? I don't even know this girl. I don't know how old she is. I don't know her middle name. I don't know if she's in a relationship or not. I don't even know that she can get into the country to live here…"
"Yeah, but you know a lot about her heart and how I created her and what I think of her…"
"True, but seriously??!?! Why?"
"Benny, I've been taking you out of living by your own strength to live by my Spirit for years. I just want your relationship with your wife to start by my Spirit and not by your strength…stories…disposition…places you've been or anything else."
"So, does that mean this is going to work?"
"Hmmm…well, you don't know. You know that I'm taking you into a season of being bold and going after your spiritual inheritance. This might just be character development."
"What? Really? Could we have picked something other than a female for that phase?"
"You need to have risk. Either way, I'll save you a lot of time."
"Yeah, I'm either going to have a wife soon or a restraining order"
The conversation went on and my insides were exploding with some sort of fierce exuberance at the exhilerating the thought that I was actually considering having this absurd conversation with a girl that I had previously only talked to approximately 10 minutes before in life…
I look over at a few of my team members as I can't hold what's going on inside any longer…
"HEY!!! What do you think? Yes or No?"
"Yes or no with what?"
"I'm not telling you…just yes or no"
"Yes!!!"
"NO!!"
"Yes."
"I don't know what is it about?"
"I can't tell you…I just need a yes or a no."
"well…no"
"really?? Why would you say that! Come on now.
"What we say really doesn't matter. It's how you respond to what we say inside that really reveals your decision…"
"Oh Crap! Oh my goodness…WHAT AM I ABOUT TO DO?!?!?!"
…and that's when I decided with everything in me that I was going to have the conversation.
To be continued…
