For whatever reason, I have often used horses to describe how I am doing or what I am going through these past couple months with my team mates. The word that I most often use with that is “bridled.” I guess I am not completely sure what a bridled horse feels like and never will, but how I have felt on occasions this year is the closest I may know to that feeling.
This year has taught me much about waiting in most areas of my life. This waiting has cemented a lot of things in me and has also stripped me. It has changed me and it has rebuilt me. It’s a weird concept for me to think that “waiting” can do so much while feeling like I can do so little. In a way I guess that’s the point of bridling a horse.
For those of you who know me, you can attest to the fact that I like to pour myself into things and I like over committing myself to things I think are good to do. In a way I have been a bit like a wild horse that loves to run free, and charge anything that catches my eye. On the other side of things I have sometimes felt like a pack horse that wants nothing more than to have people throw their burdens on me and let me carry as much as I can for as long as I can…
This year I have found myself carrying very little and it’s almost awkward for me…I’ve felt as though if I am not carrying much, than I ought to be at a full out gallop…but still, I can’t. Instead, I feel as though He keeps telling me to “wait.” Does that mean that I am not doing things day to day or am shirking responsibilities or not trying to love or help others as much as I can? no…but what it means is that He is doing a work inside of me called DISCIPLINE.
He is disciplining me to mature me…not out of spite and not really even because I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to. He just wants me to take another step so that I will learn the discipline to know when it is time to carry loads and when it is time to run. He wants to teach me the discernment to know what battles to fight and what direction to run in when it’s time. The best race horses have the discipline to not get distracted by anything in their peripheral vision. They run towards the goal and press on towards the mark and don’t count the cost in between. His discipline is a form of love and it is to prepare me for whatever is to come that I may take it with the poise needed.
However, more importantly, I need His discipline to learn not to take any credit for myself. He deserves all the glory and my job is to give Him the most praise through my life that I can give. I need to learn to be disciplined to not be affected by the fear of men on my left or the praise of men on the right. This year is not about what I can do for people around the world. It isn’t even about what He’s doing in me for my sake. It is only about Him getting glory now by transforming me to give Him more glory later. In the meantime, He sets up people and places to be blessed and a blessing to us so that He can get the glory out of that too…
