So, its never easy when God is silent.
I don’t know why, but I just felt like I should write this blog….
The past few days have been really rough and thats because God has chosen to be silent in every way thats possible to me. I can’t see for what purpose yet, but I know there is one. I just get so frustrated in these times because I depend upon Him so much already that when I don’t hear/see/feel Him, I don’t know what to do with myself. I know that He has a plan and that He is in control, but when I don’t hear from Him, its like all of a sudden He doesn’t exist. Today I almost cried, I was so frustrated with it all. On top of that, instead of really trusting Him and letting Him have my frustrations, I let them fester and became bitter. This morning was awful, and I can hide that way too easily. Thats another reason why I almost cried this morning, it being so awful. You know, its just never a good place to be in, being bitter at God for something. I mean, it was bad. I was mad because I didn’t wanna be hear, I don’t wanna be stretched anymore than I already have been, I didn’t wanna lay down my pride and accent something a teammate told me (which was true by the way) and it was just awful. Anyways, I could only stand that for the morning and around lunch, something snapped in me. The Spirit spoke to me and said, “This is not you. This is not what you were created for.” Thats all He said, but thats all I needed as well. After I repented and gave it up to Him, He was still silent, but I trusted Him. I actually had joy throughout the rest of the day.
Again, I don’t know why He wanted me to share that, but there it is….
