I’ve been with four of the same team members my whole Race, for 6 months to be exact.
I can look at them and tell you what their Race has been about. God has been
working with Courtney to get rid of the junk in her life, he hasn’t stopped
since India. Grayson has been learning to lead women spiritually, learn
humility, and walking as Jesus did. God has completely changed Andrew from a
boy to a man, changing his anger into joy, and giving him direction in his
life. Shelley has grown to be a leader, our leader, ending her people pleasing
lifestyle and growing in boldness.
For me, I’d say God’s been teaching me what it looks like
and what it costs to truly follow him.
The day I left for India, I had a friend I grew up with pass
away. I can remember standing in the parking lot of the hotel in Washington DC
balling while trying to explain to Lizi (our first team leader) and Shelley
what happened. I was so sad I couldn’t be home for all of that. I wanted to be
there with the girls who were hurting from losing our friend; I wanted to be
there for her parents after losing their only daughter. But I wasn’t. My best friend from high school
was getting married. I was supposed to be in her wedding. I wanted to be there
for her too, but I wasn’t. Now we’re no longer friends.
In Nepal, a youth’s (who I was close to back home) dad passed away. Senior year of high school was beginning and she
wouldn’t have a dad. I wanted to be there for her, I wanted to be able to hold
her if she needed a shoulder to cry on, to be there for her during school, but
I wasn’t. A good friend of mine told me she was getting married and I’d be
missing the wedding. I wanted to be home in time to join her, but won’t be.
In Thailand, God asked me to take out all of my piercings. I
had worked so long on getting all of them; I had even just gotten some in
Nepal. I didn’t want to take them out, I loved them so much. But it wasn’t
about that, it was about obeying him and so I did.
Malaysia was the month God told me I wouldn’t have the life
I’d always pictured, but I screamed out ‘No!’ He stared telling me that in
India, but I never wanted to accept the fact that I had to give up the life I
wanted to follow Him. It only became more apparent while I was there. He began
showing me my identity in him, who I was as his chosen and loved daughter.
Cambodia was a month God taught what it felt like to love as
He did. He asked me to love when I didn’t want to, when I looked foolish, and
when it hurt and I did. Vietnam was a month of blessing and rest. But God didn’t
stop there, he again asked me to give up my idea of what I’d be doing after the
Race.
One evening in Vietnam, I was sharing my testimony. God began telling me how the past 22 years I’d been putting my identity completely in other people instead of him. Even while I was sharing, he was asking me to give up my way of building relationships, my way of seeking for approval.
Philippians 3:8 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to
the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have
lost all things. I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ.
Sacrifice. That one word describes what I’ve been learning
these past six months.
This life I’m living looks completely different than anyone
in my family has lived. When I think about it through the world’s standards, it
is so foolish. But didn’t Jesus look foolish dyeing for all those people even
though we cursed him?
I don’t know what these next five months have for me, but
God has big plans. If that includes more sacrifice, more stripping away of my selfish
desires, then bring it on!
