What is unconditional love?
At the beginning of Cambodia, God asked me to love someone
even though it hurt. He asked me to love even though I wouldn’t be loved in
return. He asked me to pursue even though I looked foolish. I was so mad that
he was calling me to love when I didn’t want to. But when He asked me and I
rebelled, He simply reminded me, “Aubree, this is what I did when I died on the
cross. I loved every single person even though I knew I wasn’t going to be
loved in return.�
God, why would you
want me to experience this? Why would you want me to keep loving? It hurts so
much.
Me and the girls on my team.
And somehow, in the middle of the month, I realized I wasn’t
hurting so bad anymore. God has planted his seed of love inside my heart; there
was nothing I could do but to love unconditionally. I looked completely foolish
at times, but I didn’t care. I just wanted God’s love to be bigger than mine. I
wanted His heart to be known more than me.
I look back at Cambodia now that it’s over and remember the
tears I shed at the beginning of the month. I remember the broken heart I had.
Now, I’m sitting in Vietnam wanting that unconditional love
from the Lord. Somewhere during the last month, my heart grew distant. I
stopped pursuing God, I stopped reading my Bible, and I stopped praying. It
wasn’t a conscious thing where I would do it on purpose. I just didn’t invest
in Jesus as much, so all the things that go along with it stopped too.
And I’ve wondered why I am so distant. Why have I lost my confidence to love unconditionally? Why have I lost
this feeling of pursuit? I know exactly why, but why haven’t I changed
anything about it?
There was something that happened in that month while I was experiencing
loving unconditionally, I lost the passion to love. I lost the confidence to be
myself. I lost the love of loving people. I’ve been off, wondering where I’ve
gone.
And now I’ve realized what I lost – identity. I can’t unconditionally love without my identity.
Well, I haven’t worked out all month or eaten healthy food,
I have acne on my face and I can’t wear makeup because it would sweat off
within seconds of putting it on, it’s so hot I can only stand to wear my hair
in a pony, and so many other things tell me that I’m not good enough.
But here is what I forgot – my identity is not of this world. I can’t unconditionally love unless
I love myself. Not just for loving myself sake, but loving me because God loves
me. I can’t abandon my passions and desires to look like someone or something
else.
I can’t look in the mirror and say, “Ugh, I’m not as pretty
as her. I have so much acne and I would look so much better with make up on. I
wish my hair would do something…� which is what I did the last month in
Cambodia. I lost my identity; I forgot who I am and who God has called me to be.
What is unconditional love? My identity in Christ Jesus – I
am His chosen daughter. Once I understand that, he’ll show me the rest.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not
boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but
be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and
approve God’s will, His good, pleasing, and perfect will. Romans 12: 2
