Walls

I feel like I’m constantly tearing those walls down, only to build them back up.  Why is that?  The Lord has been bringing me into a crazy season, a season that I can’t do on my own (I mean can we do any season on our own?…really).  Its been hard.  My Mom was diagnosed with melanoma month 6 of the World Race and its been a battle…up and down.  The doctors will find a new spot and then she will get treatment and everything will be great and then it comes back.  Recently, the doctors found a spot on her brain that is 1.6 centimeters in diameter.  She had radiation on Monday the 4th.  We will find out at the end of July whether the cancer is gone, if not then she will most likely have to do chemo.  This is something I dread.  It makes me feel like I am going to puke when I actually speak out that my Mom has cancer.  I don’t feel like one of those people that is dealing with something really tragic.  I’m realizing that I don’t handle hard things well and by not handling them well,  I mean that I don’t talk about it. I mean whats there to talk about?  My Mom has cancer and thats that.  I’m not mad at God or confused or anything really.  I get that we live in a broken world and sickness is just a part of this world, I also know that God can heal people but that doesn’t always mean that he does.  I don’t know why he heals some people and not others but I do know that His ways our not my ways. I believe that my Mom can be healed but I also believe that God is still good no matter the outcome.

I feel like I’m in limbo.  I’m working at Adventures in Missions with Kingdom Dreams and Admissions which has been crazy.  God has really spoke to me about being faithful in this season, faithful wherever I am put and whatever I am asked to do.  It actually feels really great to give back to an organization that has poured so much into me and thousands of others.  I guess I feel like I’m in limbo because I don’t really know whats next for me.  I’m praying about some opportunities here in Georgia but I am also praying about moving back home to Texas.  I don’t want to miss out on something I can’t get back.  

• You can be praying that support would come in (I raise support for a living and still need over $4,000-you can click SUPPORT ME! on the left hand side to give).
• You can pray for vulnerability (I’m scared to ask this but I want it).  Pray that I would be able to cry if I need to cry and be able to articulate how I’m feeling.
• Pray for direction-should I stay in Georgia or should I move back to Texas?
• Pray for HEALING over my Mother.  I believe that God can heal her.
• Pray for strength over my family…everyone is feeling pretty weak.