My love languages are quality time and physical touch. When I left for the race they were equal. 5 months in; and I believe that may have changed. I’m not sure if the shift is because one is being met and the other is not or if one is truly more important than the other at this point. Same Same but different???
Physical touch has become my greatest desire lately. I crave it from the moment I wake up until long after I’ve gone to sleep. I’m struggling and have been for the majority of the last 5 months. We recently had team changes and neither of my teams have anyone who is high on physicl touch meter. I don’t feel the need to be all over someone, but a knee, finger, foot, or sitting closer than 3ft would be nice. My soul is starving and I’m tired of pushing myself on other people. Having to ask for a hug all the time is just weird to me. I’ve also realized that it doesn’t mean as much to me either. When I have to ask for it; it just doesn’t feel like a free act of love. Sitting close to someone or leaning on them and two minutes later having them say “ok, that’s enough” creates another little tear in my heart. I want to respect my teammates needs and wants, but I also want to fill mine.
Living alone in the States this issue would come up mostly when I was stressed, which seemed to be all the time. Trying to fill the void didn’t always lead to the best decisions and would leave me more empty in the end. I’ve since learned to find my “safe” people and sometimes I would have to adapt with a different love language. Working at Home Depot my friend Marc would visit everyday during his break to give me a Rosie (hug) and pray with me. Working at Ecova words of affrimation were really important. I’ve tried to adapt and accept other things instead of touch on the race, but it’s not working.
The last few weeks I’ve been hearing different people say, “God is enough, He’s always enough.”
Ok, so God I need you to be enough. I really need you to be enough. How do I get to that point?
This brought up a question I remember asking when I was maybe 13. God, How do I get a hug from you? I always felt like it was the one thing he couldn’t do for me. At least not directly. So I still have trouble grasping this concept. I can pray for a hug and sometimes God will send someone to give me one, but I’ve never felt Him just wrap me in his love. I’m dying over here. God, am I supposed to pray for my love language to change so the people I’m around can meet it or do I continue to wait for you? Right now I honestly don’t know the answer. God just tell me what to do. I want to make you enough for my life, but I don’t know how. I’m frustrated, angry, sad, lonely, and hurt. What do I do with this?????
I wrote this two days ago (my pen will fly accross paper when I’m emotional). I’ve since finshed reading “Keep Your Love On” by Danny Silk (Highly Recomended)…anyway, He references the 5 Love Languages book written by Gary Chapman (Also highly recomended). When touch people are getting what we need we feel safe, nurtured and loved and people see us at our best. “Starve this need for affection, either accidently or intentionally, and you’ll get the worst person they can be….you will definitely see the changes in the way they relate to those around them. They will seen “disconnected”, even if fifty people are nearby, because they will feel alone.”
I realized this is exactly where I am. Trying to communicate this to a group of non touch people isn’t easy. I wasn’t sure if I trusted them enough to share where I was at. Ultimatly I decided to talk to some of them. One at a time feels more natural than a group setting. One of my teammates has always been attentive and tried to accomidate me with whatever I need…within reason of course. Knowing that it’s not always easy to give physical affection, due to where they are emotionally and cultural norms, they have made an intentional effort to make sure this need is met in a healthy and respectfully manner….And it is GREATLY appreciated.
Yeah, so this is where I’m at right now. Physically I’m healthy. Food is touch and go here. We are blessed to have someone who cooks for us daily. Most of our meals I really enjoy, some not so much. I look forward to going into the city on our days off, eating western food and pretending to shop. We currently live with a family about 7 km outside of Siem Reap, Cambodia. In the mornings we started off plastering and painting a few of the rooms they want to turn into learning areas. Now are mornings are spent out in the community getting to know our neighbors. We share Jesus with those who don’t know him. My favorite has become bathing the elderly. I really don’t think it’s something that I would do at home. Here it is a sign of respect and love. The grandmas and grampas that we’ve met so far are precious. Their faces light up at the sight of us, smile the entire time we are there, and they thank us profusely as we head home. During the afternoons I teach 2 girls how to use Microsoft Office and at night I teach an english class with Amy and have one on one english lessons with Lynn (one of the kids who lives here). All in all this month has been great. I have my challenges, but I’m really enjoying being here. Please pray that I can keep my energy up. I’ve been so tired lately.
Love you all, I’ll update you soon. For real, I promise 🙂
