For This
Season
For this
season, like Autumn, the beauty will fall to the ground and leave the branches
bare to stand the change alone.
For this
season, like Winter, it will be as cold and as bitter to touch, but snow white
in purity.
For this
season, like Spring, it will bring the rain to revive my soul to prepare for
the growth.
For this
season, like Summer, it will blaze and sweat with the work for the Kingdom to
be made first in my life.
For this
season, unlike any other, I will search for God in all of the changes.
I wrote this
poem after I was back in the states. It was suppose to speak to what this next
year after the World Race would be like, proclaimed I will look to God in everything. I had no idea that God was going to
have all of this come true for me. That I was going to NEED to search for God
in all these changes or I would never have made it through this year.
Autumn:
I returned home to Madison, Wisconsin after
the race and moved in to take care of my dying Grandmother. God quickly blessed
me with a job as a Physical Education Teacher in a Christian School and I had a
Godly man waiting for me as my vow of singleness was being honored. Then, as
the leaves fell, I was informed the Godly man was no longer waiting for me and
Grandma passed away two days before Thanksgiving. I was alone in every sense of
the word. I lived alone, felt alone, and cried out to God alone. Although the “beauty”
had fallen from my life; I would never take back the desperate times I had
crying out to God on my bedroom floor. “Abba Father, I feel so alone, please,
please, come hold me. I belong to you alone!”
Winter:
The
cold rushed into Wisconsin and into my heart. I had become bitter towards relationships.
I tried so hard to not let it happen but my heart was hurt. I was excited to be
a part of 2 weddings; to rejoice in God uniting these Christian Sister to their
Godly men formed to be their husbands. I just could not stand the questions from friends, family, and
students.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“Why are you single?”
“When will
you get married?”
“Why don’t
you marry the Vice Principal?” – That was the 2nd Grade class after
explaining why they call me Miss Erb not Mrs. Erb haha J and my Vice Principal is married and could be
my dad.
Just when my
vow of singleness ended and my heart had softened I found myself being pursued
by a Godly man. He was a gentleman, thoughtful, and an obedient servant of God.
As we followed God’s will for our relationship I stood up for my purity.
Explaining why I wanted to not hold hands or touch till in a relationship and
I wanted my next kiss to be on the day of my wedding. God blessed me with a man
who honored that even with different convictions. My bitterness had melted away
with the beauty of my purity being preserved. God’s will for us was just a
friendship that we both value today.
Spring:
The rain of blessings came down upon me. I was blessed with a roommate, fruit in my
ministry, a deeper passion for Jesus, and my first year of teaching completed.
My Roommate
is a friend of mine from church. She has blessed me with her fellowship and Morning
Prayer. She has helped revive my soul for serving God.
I have been
mentoring 3 high school girls this year and within these last month’s I could
not be more proud of them! They seek me out for dates, for advice, for worship
time, and to confess and repent. I have seen them at their worst and love them
all the more for it. God blessed me with being able to see them grow into passionate
women of God. Women of God who are planning to invest in others next year.
Praise God!
With my
first year as a teacher completed I have already planned out some things I want
to change for next year and how I can be a better representation of Christ to
my students. My growth has just begun.
Summer:
As for this season… I don’t know. Summer has
just started but I have no doubt that it will blaze and sweat with work for the
Kingdom while I am in Swaziland, Africa for the month of July. I could not be
more excited to seek what God will be doing through the trip/season.
So to end, I
believe these are the main things I learned my year post-race:
- Prayer and Praise is the only way to survive hard times
- God truly can satisfy every desire I have
-
All of my life , in every season, You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship – Desert Song
I love you Jesus. Thank you for this last year. I would say it was a year
I grew closest to You and I hope for it to be known as the year I was farthest
from you in years to come. Let me seek you more and more until you call me to be with you forever.
