She Didn’t Make It

I can still remember the flooding pain from that night.
The doctor came into the hospital consultation room after trying to resuscitate my mom for 45 minutes…

 

"She didn't make it."

 

I've tried to stay far away from having to relive that moment and I knew coming on the Race there would be a possibility that I would have to go back to that night. 

 

I was so angry when she died. I remember being alone in my room a few days after her passing and I came across:

Isaiah 53:5 

By His stripes we are healed. 

 

It took me right back to when I was praying that over her as the ambulance drove her to the hospital. I was certain she would be healed. 

I was so furious! I threw my Bible across the room and yelled at God.

 

"Why couldn't You just heal her!?"

 

Shortly afterward I tried to convince myself that I was ok. 

I was ok because I knew where my mom was; I was ok because I understood that death is part of life; I was ok because I had experienced the death of a parent before.  

 

This kind of thinking was the beginning of a spiritual, emotional, and mental infection that affected every aspect of my life. For three years I've tried to cover this wound with a little band-aid.

 

You may be wondering where this is going…

 

I realize I haven't grieved my mom. 

 

The realization came last Sunday when one of the girls, Savannah, on our squad found out her mom had passed away. I was there to see her emotions unfold. I saw myself in her.

 

It jolted me back to the night my mom didn't make it.

I'm now grieving my momma and it's been one of the hardest weeks on the Race. 

 

Matthew 5:4

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. 

 

 

 

Please pray for my friend Savannah. She went home to be with her family to grieve the loss of her mom. 

 

 

 

Written: Thursday, February 28, 2013