Paralysis –
a state of helpless stoppage, inactivity, or inability to act.
Boom.
Well done, Mr. Webster. Way to define my recent state of mind in just one word.
Paralyzed.
Stuck.
Unable to move.
The cause of my paralysis?
Perfectionism –
a personal standard, attitude, or philosophy that demands perfection and rejects anything less.
Obviously, this bleeds into so many different areas, but for now I’ll hone in on just one:
Writing.
I’ve loved it since I was old enough to do it. It’s so life-giving to me.
Through the writing process, complex thoughts and ideas are simplified and finally make sense to me, truth is revealed and begins to take root in my heart and mind, and seemingly unrelated chaotic thoughts are sorted through and put in their proper places, creating many lightbulb moments full of deep revelation.
And by nature, whatever I receive, I desire to give away. Whatever I learn, I desire to teach. Therefore, I enjoy sharing my writing with others.
But here’s the deal. In this high-tech, individualistic, information age, our world is SATURATED with words. Many of which, in my opinion, are useless and very very unnecessary.
When I write blogs, the last thing I desire to do is to waste my words or your time.
My hope is that they’d be concise, edifying and revelatory…that they’d tell stories that inspire you to change the world and to know Jesus more. I want my words to be rich and weighty and full of applicable truth. Worth your most valuable asset… time.
In short, I desire perfection.
And honestly, the thought of applying that standard of perfection to the hundreds of thoughts/ideas/stories/testimonies swirling around in my mind on any given day has been, not only overwhelming, but paralyzing.
So, for the last few years I just haven’t written.
Seemingly no big deal, right?
Wrong.
You see, what happens when you stop doing something that brings you life is that a part of you, of your heart, begins to slowly atrophy and die.
Sure, it may fly under the radar for awhile…
But eventually, you begin to notice that you’re no longer living wholeheartedly. That certain things which used to be vibrant, and full of life and color, are now dull, lifeless and gray.
And that realization invites an urgent, restless desperation. A desperation that compels you to do whatever it takes to bring those places back to life.
From that vantage point, perfection loses it’s luster.
Reading this quote a week ago was the tipping point for me.
It revealed my need for an exchange of values.
Progress –
forward or onward movement.
Desperation values progress over perfection.
Paralysis values movement over perfection.
So, rather than remain paralyzed, this blog is the first, hopefully of many, on a journey to revive my heart.
Imperfect.
But progress nonetheless.
