What are you afraid of? Ben Howard has this amazing song called ‘The Fear’ and lately I have been listening to it on repeat because it puts words to the way my soul feels. That’s how you know it’s a good song. I for one think Ben Howard is a genius. The chorus of the song goes, “I’ve been worryin’ that my time is a little unclear. I’ve been worryin’ that I’m losing the ones I hold dear. I’ve been worryin’ that we all live our lives in the confines of fear.”
So what is that fear we all live by? Before coming on the race, I didn’t think I was afraid of anything. Really. Well, except for spiders. I thought I was brave. I thought that I had the courage to leave home and travel around the world for a year with a bunch of strangers, that made me pretty B.A. But I have learned since being on the race that it is the less obvious stuff that’s the scariest; the little things that you shove under the rug and refuse to face.
Sometimes I think I set expectations for myself too high. It’s not that they’re unattainable or unrealistic, but they don’t always feel like the right things to set my sights on. They feel like expectations I have set for myself out of fear.
I know that I was created for a great purpose by a God who believes I can to all things by the strength he has given me. I know that my creator loves me and wants only the best for me. He doesn’t want me to settle or give up on my dreams. He doesn’t want me to miss out on things that will bring me joy. But more than anything, my God does not want me to set my expectations for myself by the world’s standards. Sometimes I lose sight of His great purpose and plan for my life and I start worrying that if I don’t do what the world expects of me, I will be a failure. If I don’t buy a house and have an impressive career, get married and have babies by the time I’m 30, well that’s it for me, I must being doing it wrong.
But just as that worry begins to take hold, I hear a voice that says, “WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!” A voice that says, “stop worrying!” And I can recognize the difference between the voice I the world and this voice. Because this is the voice of truth and it sounds like the voice of my Father.
And so often we can get wrapped up in making life out to be so difficult and complicated, when in fact it is so simple. All we have to do is wake up everyday and meet Him halfway; say ” here I am, Lord, I am willing and I am able.” And He will bring us through the good and perfect plans he has for us and it will be so much better than what we or the world could possibly expect of us.
Yesterday I went on a hike with my team. We set our sights on the top of a mountain we could see from our ministry home here in Peru. When we left, I knew that I was just getting over being sick and my lungs were still recovering and probably not quite ready for this hike. But I went anyway because of what I thought people would honk of me if I decided to stay back. And plus, in in Peru! I can’t just sit around all day! Halfway up the mountain, my body was getting pretty pissed at me and I felt like I was just holding everyone up. So I told them to go on ahead and me and a friend stayed back. As soon as they left, I felt that tug of worry that I failed and I would miss out on the great things my team would see an do without me. But then I say down on the ledge overlooking the beautiful surrounding mountains and view of the whole city and I realized that while my the others were meant to go on further, I was meant to be right there in that place, so that I could sit in the presence of my God and enjoy His beautiful creation which brings me a peace like nothing else can.
All that I had to do was make it halfway.
