Recently I went to training camp for the World Race. Walking into it, I was unaware that they had chosen to adopt the boot camp philosophy: “We are going to break you down so we can build you up.” It was 10 days of tents, port-a-potties, weird foods, small portions, bucket showers, 7:00 a.m. workouts, and 95-degree Georgia heat and humidity. We were thrown into many “worst case scenarios” and learned how to work through it—lost luggage, sleeping in airports, and sleeping on a tarp in the middle of the woods, to name a few.
On top of the extreme physical demands, we were challenged spiritually and emotionally. We were challenged as to where our identity lied. We talked about what it would look like to abandon everything. We called to mind anger and forgave. We called to mind shame and were forgiven. We examined every insecurity, every inconsistency, and every doubt.
It was undoubtedly the most uncomfortable ten days of my life. It was not lost on me that training camp was only a small taste of what is going to lie ahead for the next 11 months. Because of this, most of the time I was filled with despair and anger toward God. Why on earth had God chosen me to do this? Was it necessary for me to give up everything that I have ever known? If I was obeying what God had called me to, then why did it hurt this bad?
I didn’t realize what I had filled my life with till it was taken from me, from the big things, like my family and close friends, to the little things, like coffee, solitude, and porcelain toilets. Everyone that I know, every possession that I own, everything that I am will soon be gone. I won’t be a studious Hokie, Young Life leader with great friends and a Starbucks around the corner. I will be a gringa with a tent in a tiny corner of the world with nothing but my backpack, hope, and faith.
Training camp was hard because I mourned who I once was. I liked who I was. But thankfully, God loves me enough to pull me out of my comfort zone and show me who He knows I can be, instead of who I am content in being. I am losing a lot, but I am gaining Christ.
“But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ, and be found in him…” Philippians 3:7-9
To all my supporters, THANK YOU! In times of doubt I can look to your faith in me and what I am doing and be reminded of the big picture. Thank you for believing in me and my mission. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to not only to change the world but be changed myself. I am eternally grateful! Right now I have about $9,300, which means I am only $700 short of my August 21st deadline of $10,000 and over halfway there overall! Click the “Support Me” button at the top to donate. Thanks again!
With love, Caitlin
