Over the past 10 days I was in Georgia meeting new people and being filled with wisdom at training camp. I went into it with an open heart expecting to be moved by people and their stories, but nothing could have prepared me for what was actually going to happen. I found Freedom! This was freedom from myself and freedom from the culture that we live in that tries to mold us all into the same person.
In training camp we were taught God will speak through us if we allow him into our lives. One day we were practicing letting God speak through us through prophesy. This was something that I was very uncomfortable with. I was afraid that I wouldn’t experience anything or that I didn’t have strong enough faith to be able to do these things. It turns out I had absolutely nothing to be afraid of. When I would pray over people, very specific images would come to mind. These images almost never made any sense to me, but they always had a strong impact to the person I was praying over.
After discovering this ability, God began to reveal images to me that were meant to help me grow. The image that he consistently revealed to me was of a coke can opening up and being poured into a clear glass. I didn’t understand what this meant so I asked for guidance form the Lord. He began to explain to me that I have kept a lot of things hidden inside all of my life. I have kept them hidden in places that nobody can see, similar to the darkness within the soda can. God wanted me to open up and pour out all of my struggles into something transparent. God wanted me to show that I am not perfect, but am in fact stained and broken.
Opening up is something that I have done with very few people and is something that is scary for me, but here are my past fears/anxieties:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of disappointing parents/ family
- Not being good enough
- Unknown future career
- Fear of when I will date/marry
- Not being a good enough Christian
- Not being able to support a family
- Fear of rejection
- Fear my friends and family won’t take my ministry seriously
- Fear that my family won’t believe that Christ is their Savior
- Fear of wasting my life doing non-meaningful work
- Fear that greed will run my life
God also taught me that I had to uncover previous pains and grievances that I had buried deep inside. These were not having the father-son time I desperately wanted growing up, failed relationships, hurting the friends I cared about most, and losing friends.
When I uncovered and vocalized these fears, anxieties, pains, and grievances I for the first time felt FREE! I dealt with my past issues and cast them away. I finally took off the weights holding me down, the weights telling me that I failed in the past and that I am going to fail again. I can now look confidently at what is to come next, because I know that God is with me and that he will provide time after time.
I will live by faith and not live in fear! I am Free! I am good enough! I am God’s son!
