Oct 21, 2009
How can I begin to put into words what I feel?
Moments in dreams, desires, longing’s
of the heart, endless wandering through the wonderland of my own mind, missing
pieces to this puzzle I call “life”, all erupting, bonding together like the
elements. It’s all happening; here, now. They dance; a performance just for me.
Helplessly mixing, combining, and creating new form. Pregnancy is now labor and
something beautiful is happening before my very eyes. In dumfounded awe I stand,
petrified to touch, let alone embrace the crying infant. Yet, I feel I must. I want
too, but how? It’s all come to pass so quickly, with no control of my own. I must
reach out, take what is mine. For with out care, with out the sweet embrace of its
curious father it will cease to exist. I want it to grow. I want it to live.
The last year of my life has been a
rollercoaster ride like no other. I have been places I thought I would never
be, and done things I thought I would never do. Dreams of the future are no
longer just dreams, but reality. Hopes and desires of my heart are finding
their way into the reality of my own life. The confusions I once had of where I
am going and who I am are beginning to paint their own picture and reveal
truths I once misunderstood. They are all mixing together to form a new life,
my future. It’s all happening here and now. It has happened so fast, so
unexpectedly that I don’t know how to embrace it all. I know I want to, I just don’t
know how. I will though. I will pursue the opportunities that have built
themselves around me. I fear that if I don’t I will never have another chance.
I can’t miss out. I won’t stop until I have lived!
me. Through no action of mine, through no promise kept have I made myself of
any worth. Yet the abundance of blessings you continuously pour out and into
this life are overwhelming for one man to take. I want to embrace them all, yet
I don’t know where to begin. Tonight I sit here in utter amazement at the
splendor of your hand. This is a life that you have touched. This is a life
that I give on my own accord to you. Thank you for giving me the wisdom to
recognize your works in my life. I see you in it all. What else can I say
tonight Father? For you know the depths of this heart. You know what lies
behind the mask, yet you continue to love me; and not just love me but you
bless me on top of it all? Why? What do you want from me? What can this lowly
man do that would ever come close to fulfilling the dreams you have in store
for this world?
~William Diefenbach~
