What in the world have I gotten myself into?
This was my thought the first couple of days at training camp. I had a 45 pound pack containing my belongings and no idea what to expect as I drove to the deep woods of Gainesville, Georgia for 10 days. I was confident going in that I was prepared for the Race, that I was right where I needed to be with God, and that I would learn a thing or two about international ministry while maybe making a few friends along the way
I have never been so grateful about being so wrong.
People ask me, “So how was training camp?” And I try to think of a short one word answer to give that so many people expect. But I don’t have one. It just isn’t possible.
In 10 short days, I learned so incredibly much.
I learned that while I thought I was being called to share the restorative hope of the Father’s love to His people for the next nine months, God had a hefty dose of restoration and hope and love and healing for me that I was nowhere near prepared for, but that I so desperately needed.
I learned that through the power of God alone, 40 strangers can become a family in 10 days. I don’t understand the bond, but I do know that it is one only God can create. I learned that despite our radical differences, each one of us in vital in making this journey work. I saw the powerful things that can be done when 40 people each embrace their position in the body of Christ and let God work in that.
I learned that I will forever be the “mom of the group” and that I LOVE being that for my squad. I learned that God has given me the gifts of compassion and exhortation and saw a taste of how He wants to use those qualities He has given me for His glory. I learned how to trust God with my talents and abilities rather than trying to use them on my own.
I learned how much I like to be in control and how much God is calling me away from that. I learned that I like to be prepared for everything, but that it is not my job or place to be in control. I learned that while I love being a caretaker, God is calling me to allow others be there for me too. I learned that I don’t have all the answers. And I learned how to be okay with that.
I learned that sometimes you just gotta dance it out like no one is watching. I learned that it is ok to live every moment like it is my last and to not care how silly I look or sound, as long as I am embracing every moment God has given me and using it to glorify Him.
I learned how to not hold anything back. I learned how to be brutally honest with people about everything (you kind of have to when surviving in the woods with people for a week and a half). I learned to not hold back when the Holy Spirit is calling me forward and saw the power that such obedience has. I learned to not hold back when talking with God. I learned to not hold anything back when worshipping my Father. I learned that it is ok to be vulnerable and that it is ok to cry. I learned that vulnerability is not weakness, it is beautiful.
I learned that I don’t know everything about myself and I learned how to accept that fact. I learned that God is such a good, good Father. I learned that who I am is loved by my good, good Father. I learned what it means to have my identity in Christ. And I learned what it feels like to be accepted for who I am by a community who has no other reason to love me besides the fact that we are a family in Christ.
I learned what it means to walk by faith. I learned that God has plans for me that will always surpass my own. And while that once scared me, I am now so eager and excited to dive into His plans. I learned what it feels like to have absolutely no idea what the future holds and how freeing it is to live every day with no expectation except for God to lead me wherever he needs me to be in every single moment.
I still can’t fully put into words how much God moved in my life at training camp. In ten short days, He completely wrecked the me that was 20 years in the making and showed me how beautiful and glorious are the ruins from which He is continuing to raise me up.
Despite how the vast amount of God that I experienced at Training Camp, I still can’t stop yearning for more. I am so hungry to drown deeper into what He is calling me to. I want more.
I will leave you with a song that I have been singing nonstop for the past week since training camp, summing up precisely how I feel after this incredible experience.
Set a fire down in my soul, that I can’t contain, that I can’t control. I want more of you God. I want more of you God.
