It’s okay to just be held.
That’s what I am learning this month. Every other day, we spend the morning in a slum village called 42. We play with the kids, try to teach them their alphabet and numbers when they can sit still and we bathe them. It’s incredibly rewarding to do life with these beautiful children.
Every week there is this one girl, Nan. She just wants to be held. When we walk up, she runs to us with her arms open wanting to be held. When we are teaching, she sits in our laps and touches our faces. When we are giving baths, she comes back to the bathing station and stands there, waiting for someone to finish their duties so they can hold her. She doesn’t play ball or sing with the other kids, she just wants to be held.
You know what? I love to hold her. I love that.
Why are we not content with just being held? Why do we feel that we have to be running around, playing or doing something for attention, when we have a loving Father with his arms out, willing to just hold us? He loves to.
This month hasn’t been the easiest for me. I’ve struggled with team changes (a month after it happened, I’m nothing if not prompt). I’ve struggled with giving things up to the Father. I’ve struggled with team leading. I’ve struggled with loving people. I’ve struggled with watching my reactions, my tone and my voice. I’ve struggled with trust, and I’ve had walls built up with people for no reason.
The entire time the Father has been right there, saying, “Just let me hold you”. I realized last night, why not? Why not just sit and be held? Stop trying. Stop trying to love, to lead or to say the right thing and just be held. If I am being held, I feel the Father’s love, so I love. I see the Father’s lead and I follow. I hear the Father’s voice, so I say what He says. It’s not about me making something happen. It’s about Him creating something, and I get to be part because He chose me. I don’t have to do anything; I can just sit and watch.
Yeah, it’s great to be the kid playing ball and singing, but when you need to be the kid that gets held, go running, because He wants to hold you.
Photo from Christina Norr
