I've spent the last few days just looking back. Processing.
Looking back at where I was going into training camp, I can truly see why God had me there in preparation. Why he allowed the doubt from the enemy even though I was desperately praying it away. Because I needed to be desperate. I needed to be so desperate for Him, so that all boundaries I had on Him were cast off, so that He could fill me. And it was horrible. I was so desperate that I felt dry. I felt dried up, like a shell of a Christian.
Surely to be going on a trip like this, one should not be plagued with doubt about who God even was, should they? Plagued with doubts of His very existence?
As His word says, everything meant for evil He uses for good.
Within the first two days, those doubts were addressed, stomped down, cast out and replaced with truth. God plowed right through and filled me with His Holy Spirit, filled me with heavenly language, loosed in me a Spirit that I had never experienced. All for His Glory!
Jesus uses shells, because shells are empty, waiting to be filled. When you are empty, desperate, craving God, that's when He can do His best work, because there are no boundaries. No limits that our flesh places on Him.
Desperation hurts, but Jesus is the soothing salve to the wound the devil has left. He fills every part so fully that what was once an empty shell becomes a living, breathing, warm vessel of the Holy Spirit.
Get desperate.
No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me," declares the LORD. Isaiah 54:17 NASB
