This blog is in response to a blog by my former teammate Hosanna. It's to those closest to me.
To love someone “just because”
I like how Hosanna put it, loving someone just because they needed it and they can't give you anything in return except possibly hurt you.
Just because love
I’m DESIGNED to love like this; it’s what I’ve grown accustomed to.
It almost sounds like buying that poor street kid food or a pair of shoes, or having a conversation with the widowed mother living in the slums with her 5 children, or praying for the washed-up prostitute working the dirty red light district, or even having a laugh with the old man that’s been convicted of murder. Just because love seems easy for me. None of them have anything to offer in return, they just need it! I have a genuine love for these people, Jesus like even!
Love, love, love, I thought I knew how to love. But how I am oh so wrong…
Truth is I don't know how to love my own family
I’m BROKEN, I’m a MESS
Coming home has been hard, the second I stepped off that plane I wanted to hop right back on another one and fly to anywhere but here. Living at home has been harder, being dependent on my parents at the age of 23 is just no fun. The "real world" tells me to grow up, get a career and be a man.
I have learned to have grace for those who aren't so close to me but for my family I just can't. It’s been misplaced somewhere along the way. I knew when I left on that journey I would never be the same. I’m changed, people don’t understand me, most people never will. I’ve seen so much poverty, so much injustice. But it doesn’t give me an excuse…
"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."
1 John 4:8
WOW
How am I supposed to show the love of Jesus if I can’t even love my own family? How am I supposed to be a light if I come off as judgmental and condescending? Well, I CAN'T.
But there is grace…
And by surrendering it to my Father, HE can LOVE through me…
It’s not something I can do on my own. I give it up to Him. I’m sorry for those I’ve hurt, I’m sorry that I don’t seem “different” at times, I’m sorry for falling back into my old ways, I’m sorry for letting frustration and anger take hold of me. I'm sorry for not loving…
I'm home for another two months, God has some exciting things ahead. I desire to rekindle these relationships, I want to make things better, I want to love you like Jesus loves me.
He loves me because He loves me, He loves me because I need it, He loves me even though there is nothing I can offer in return. He loves me just because…
"Love be in my bones, love break down my walls"
