As you can tell from my title up there, this isn’t a light topic for me. This is my story and I hope you all stick around till the end cause there may end up being some funny jokes at the veerrrryyy bottom to lighten the mood. Maybe. Possibly. Okay, there will definitely be some jokes down under all this but for now, it’s grown-up voice time.
It was the day of my- wait. Let me start from the real beginning… I was in 6th grade, excited cause I was gonna get to go to RUSH, my churches summer camp for students, for the first time. I got packed and teased my brother about having to show me around and hang out with me while we’re there. That was Sunday evening, and soon enough the week of RUSH was coming to a close. It was Thursday night and Pastor Brian just struck a chord in so many of us. He asked for us to bow our heads and pray and if we felt led to, to come up to the stage and pray to accept Jesus Christ. This was it, the moment when I realized that the best part of my life was Jesus and that I wanted to accept Him- NEEDED to accept him into my heart. After the service, they told us about the early morning baptisms in the ocean the next day and that if we wanted to be baptized that we needed to tell our small group leaders. I did so and called my parents up. I told them everything that happened and that I was going to be baptized the next morning. They were so happy for me and they reminded me to call my brother to tell him. I did and he told me that he was going with me and that he was going to baptize me along with our pastor. The next morning rolled around, I was baptized by the best big brother in the whole world and everything felt right somehow.
Soon after this, I strayed from God. I didn’t pray, I avoided going to church, and I hated reading my Bible. I only went to church to please my parents and dozed off most services.
Nearly three years later, my mentor asks me to come to a Wednesday night service because she’s missed me and wanted to see how I’ve been. I reluctantly go and find that this is what I had been missing for three years. Fellowship, friends, and most importantly God’s love for me. I rededicated and started going every week. After 4 months of this and our small group leader tells us that she’s going to accept a job at the church and won’t be able to be our small group leader anymore because her work is on Wednesday nights. We’re all devastated. She tells us that she will find a good replacement and that she will still be there for us when we need her. As new people start coming in our group, trying to find the right person to take over, we finally find her. Her name was Selina*, she had a few kids, and owned a farm. Each of our small group girls is feeling bittersweet; excited about the new opportunities we have with Selina, but sad because our loving small group leader Lauren won’t be there every night anymore.
Soon, I’m going to Selina’s frequently with a friend and we’re getting to know her and her kids better and having fun with them. I start to get close with her son, Alfred*, who is the same age as me. All of a sudden, it’s my 14th birthday and my mom is taking me to Mellow Mushroom for pizza. Little did I know that Selina and her crew were all there! We eat and joke around, and then they give me birthday presents. One specifically was a Starbucks card from Alfred. I thanked him and we all got up to go to Reckless. That night, he asked me on a date and I said yes.
*Skipping ahead a bunch of stuff that is not really relative, a bunch of happy memories blah blah blah. This is approximately a year and a half later*
Arguments always start as a seemingly harmless comment or observation and then two opinions conflict with each other. One night, Alfred and I got into a serious argument. We kept going back and forth and the matter just wasn’t settling. We decide to calm down and go to bed because we’re not thinking clearly due to exhaustion. The next day we try to go about texting each other normally, but it’s just not sitting right. As the day progresses, I try to convince myself that everything is fine and that the emotions I’m feeling are normal as we just had a heated argument. When I see him that night, I realize that none of it is normal. I realize that that argument left both of us kind of broken and uncertain. The night progresses and he tells me that he thinks it’s better if we take a break from us. This leads to an emotional roller-coaster and a long discussion about our relationship. We decide to break it off because of things that have a higher priority and that are more vital to our well-beings.
This whole ordeal turned my world upside down and I felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest. I kept thinking “what did I do wrong?” When in reality, it had nothing to do with me. I was trapped in a prison surrounded by people that kept bashing me and telling me awful things about the situation.
I fought like hell to get out of this prison and the only reason I got out is because God was by my side. He helped me break the walls that were holding me back and see that the people weren’t actually people, they were just my thoughts. It has taken me more than a year to get through all of the hurt and pain, and sometimes it continues to haunt me. But I know that my God is a great and mighty God who does everything he does to protect me and love me.
Throughout this year and a half, I let Alfred become the number one thing in my life, and God was number two. I didn’t see that for a long time, but now I know why it had to end. More than a year after this breakup, I see now that I needed to have Alfred taken away from me in order to glorify God. I was putting Alfred before Him. My God is a jealous God and will not accept having someone above him. I see now that I would not be planning to embark on the World Race had I still been with Alfred. I see that His plan for me would not have been fulfilled had I continued on the path that I was on. God lets things happen and he makes things happen, all for a reason. He lets us suffer sometimes because we need to see that we can’t get through the suffering without Him. This was one of those times.
*These names were changed to Batman characters in attempts to maintain anonymity
Annnndddd now…..
Wait… Who the heck are you?
The Joker: It’s me, Sugar bumps.
Mr. J: What’s the difference between Batman and a robber?
Uhmm… I don’t know…?
Mr. J: Batman can go into a store without robin!
Mr. J: Let’s try another one! What do you call it when Batman skips Church?
Oh I think I know this one! Its um.. Its.. Oh forget it. What do you call it?
Mr. J: YOu areN’T EVen TRYing! You call it Christian BALE!
Mr. J: Laaasstt one Missy!! What is Batman’s favorite part of the joke?
Uhm… Let’s see… Uhhh… Oh! I got it! The “punch” line!
Also, if anyone has any questions or wants to talk to me, you can email me at [email protected], message me on Facebook, or if you want you can email me and then call me.
