Since I said yes to the World Race I have told people I’m so excited; that I’m so excited for everything God is going to do in my life; that I’m excited for God to work within me, while I am away from all that’s familiar to me so I have to rely on him with my whole self.
But I’m actually terrified.
Of course I’m excited to meet each person on my team, and each person I meet in each country – and the stories I will be able to tell about how GOOD our Father is, the stories of miracles; the stories of redemption. I’m excited to see myself at the end of the World Race, but I am terrified for the process. I’m terrified to surrender myself to God; yes I’ve surrendered some of myself – I’m leaving my comfort for 11 months, what more can I surrender? But I have not surrendered all of my, all 110%. I’m terrified to deal with things in my life that I have put in the back, that’s buried and covered in dust. I’m terrified for the process of giving God, my Father, everything in my life – all my failures, all my strengths, my dreams, all of me.
“There is more to you with God than how someone defined you, than your failures and successes.”
The truth really hit me a few weeks ago, when I was out of town visiting family and their church – I didn’t want to hide the truth, because I even got the courage to tell someone how scared I am. The message was about surrendering to the Holy Spirit, and finding freedom through it.
So often I look to my closest people in my life, for the reassurance that I’m doing what is right, that I am suppose to go on the race – because the enemy is tempting me to give up. He’s tempting me to run away from God’s calling. Even when friends or family tell me what I need to hear, it hasn’t been enough. Why haven’t I been talking to the Holy Spirit – the best friend that never fails or leaves you. Why haven’t I surrendered to the Holy Spirit – because it’s a strong power given by God when Jesus left this earth.
“But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.” John 14:26
Look at John 14:26, the Holy Spirit is all you need – my Counselor, my Comforter – He’s my all in all, why haven’t I surrendered? If I let the Holy Spirit lead me, it’s less more me, and more of Him. It all would be easier if I relied on the best friend that never forsakes me.
He’s been asking all along, I’ve heard it but chose to ignore it – “Why are you not asking me to help? What is holding you back? Let me take care of fundraising, let me take care of your heart, let me take care of you.”
As I learn to surrender, please pray that I surrender everyday. That I say, “I surrender to you. Let me be dangerous, I want the enemy to be scared.” I want the enemy to be scared for 2015 while I’m on the World Race. I want the enemy to be scared while I fundraise and reach each my goals; because God has lead me this far and He will never forsake me. I want the enemy to be scared after I return home from the race – as a stronger, more equipped daughter of the King.
God, remove the cages I have placed around me. I want to be vulnerable to each thing You have planned for me. I want to know You more; I want to see Your face. I surrender myself to You, in a way I haven’t before – I trust You with each thing in my life. I have faith in You. I can’t do this on my own, I am surrendering it all – all that I am.
