Hello from India! I cannot believe that I finally get to say that. I am currently sitting on the roof of the dorm building that we are staying in, blaring worship music and watching clouds pass over the moon. I am feeling so blessed in this moment.
India is not at all what I expected. I had the idea that India was a country with women who wore Saris, everything you ate would have curry and Bollywood music would be playing at some point. Ha! It has been anything but that. We are in a rural part of India working with an amazing and servant led Christian community. This country and people surprise me every day in how their culture has its own beauty.
The World Race is not at all what I expected. Due to my constant stalking of World Race instagram posts and videos, my idea of it was that it would be this amazing adventure everyday. But that just isn’t what real life is. Living with 60 other people can be lots of fun but also hard at times. Ministry opportunities can sometimes fall through and then you are stuck at the dorms while it’s pouring outside. But it was during those difficult and quiet moments that I have had time to reflect how my heart is in relation to the Lord. It was during those moments when all I want is everyone to leave me alone that I have no one else to turn to but the Lord. This was not how I expected the Lord to grab my attention! I don’t have my usual tools to escape the world to depend on. Taking the time away from TV, movies, and social media has given me the chance to start really looking inward at how my true Father has created me.
He is laying a foundation down within my heart. This foundation is one where I am learning who I am in Christ.
I am accepted.
I am safe and secure.
I am important.
I am a princess.
I am worthy.
These are the truth. I know these in my head but I do not believe them in my heart. I have let past wounds fog up the truth I believe about myself. I want to fully feel these truths in my heart. I believe that the Lord is laying these foundational truths in my heart. He is calling me with all that He has and I am ready to answer.
Lord, I am ready to run into your arms. I am ready for my roots to begin digging into the ground. I have no idea how these truths will come about within my heart but I have faith that the Lord will fulfill this desire.
The word dependence keeps coming up in my thoughts, journaling and conversations. This word can sometimes have a negative tone attached to it but that is not how I see it in relation to the Lord. A dependence on the Lord is a way of life where someone lives and breathes the love of Christ. I do not know how this looks personally for me but I feel that it is something that I want and need to chase after. Believing the truths above will led to a clear dependence on the Lord.
The beginnings of the foundation began this week. This past Monday I was able to be a part of a medical camp where we were given the opportunity to pray and share the gospel. As I watching my squad mates pray for miracles and healing, I realized that this is something that I would never have done before the race. I depend on my own sense to make sure things happen. I think that I know best and that do not need help or advice from anyone. How do I come to think so highly of myself?! There is no way that I could do a miracle or healing! Only the Lord can! I want to have such dependence on the Lord that I believe that He can do any miracle or healing. This dependence on the Lord is not just for those things but for the way I act, think or speak to others around me. I want Him to fill my every thought and have that led to actions that will untimately glorify Him.
My beautiful teammate Ali said an amazing quote, “Sometimes what messes us up most in life is the picture in our head of how we think it should be.” I do believe that this is what happened to me when I started this thing called the World Race. I had this picture of what I wanted the race to be like and feel like. It’s not at all like what I pictured but I am so thankful that it isn’t.
