“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Fear is real. It is something I have struggled with for years. I have had so many anxieties and fears walking through life that sometimes they would paralyze me. But you know what? Fear is not of God. God never speaks using fear. Fear is straight from the enemy. It makes us feel powerless and causes us to act irrationally.
Our time here in Thailand so far has been a two-sided coin. On the one hand, most of us have fallen in love with Thailand. I am in love with the people, the climate, the nature, the laid-back atmosphere, the food! But as I’ve mentioned before, there is a very real dark side to Thailand. Every time I step foot off the property of our host home or the property of our ministry, I feel a darkness in my soul. I feel overwhelming feelings of sadness or anger when I pass by the brothels, girls standing on the street clearly trying to sell themselves, or foreign men with Thai girls. Then two nights ago, I had a nightmare.
Most of the time, I have very vivid dreams at night. So vivid that I sometimes have to remind myself what is reality and what is dream upon waking. I never remember them past a few hours after waking, and they’re never scary or anything. But since coming on the Race, I haven’t had dreams (except for a few about food!). Two nights ago was the first time I dreamed like I used to. And there was one scene in the dream that was clearly an attack from the enemy, because I woke up absolutely terrified.
I was sitting in an abandoned house, in front of a vanity table. On the table was an old-timey television screen. As I was sitting in the chair, I realized that a force was preventing me from moving or speaking. Behind me, in the doorway, I could sense a middle-aged man just standing there. On the screen in front of me, I could see myself in the background, and a little girl in the foreground. She had her hands pressed against the glass like she was trapped, and she was screaming and screaming with a look of terror on her face. But I couldn’t hear her scream. As I was watching this scene, the man walked into my line of vision. He reached out a hand and tried to put it on my leg. But the same force that prevented me from moving or speaking prevented him from touching me. He kept trying and trying with no success; he couldn’t lay a finger on me. The whole time I was trying to say no and to tell him to go away, but I couldn’t speak. Then suddenly, I was able to move, and my hand shot out and turned a knob on the television screen and it shattered. The man got a look of terror on his face, turned, and fled.
All day yesterday, this dream stayed with me. It haunted me. Part of it really scared me, and I knew it was an attack on me from the enemy. But at the same time, I knew it meant something and that I needed to interpret it. Last night I told everyone my dream and found out that a few other people had been having nightmares, one around the same time I was having mine. We all talked and prayed, and God revealed to all of us that the dreams are about power. The enemy definitely thinks he has power here in Thailand. He has the people gripped in Buddhism and spirit worship, and the sex trade reigns here. We are coming in as the light of Christ to push back the darkness, and the enemy doesn’t like it one bit. But you know what? Christ has won the victory! Even though the darkness seems monumental and makes me feel powerless sometimes, I know that God will overturn the plans of the enemy. We have God’s protection over us, and He is allowing us to feel some of this darkness and fear so that we will fight with Him in freeing the people of Thailand of the same. This month God is speaking a lot to me about finding courage and peace in Him, and then offering it to those around me. So now, when I go out and feel the darkness, I will draw from my source of Power. God is moving here in Thailand, and as I rest in His safety, I will open myself to His will. I will boldly walk with Him in the darkness as He frees this nation.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1
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