Over the last week or so, our entire squad reunited in Cartagena, Colombia for debrief. Debrief happens 6 times over the course of the 11 months we are on the field. Our leaders from the US come out to visit, council, and speak truth into us individually and collectively. It is truly a breath of fresh air, even after just one month out here.
While our leaders were here, I heard a few very important things from God. First, He has ZERO expectations for me as His daughter. He doesn’t want me to perform, for him, for my team, for you all back home, and definitely not for myself. I tend to desire affirmation from others so I know I’m doing well, this has been extra difficult at times.
With this, His plans for me are much bigger than my own, which is sometimes hard to believe because if you know me, you know my dreams run wild and I do not let anything or anyone hold me back. It’s funny though because I don’t dream about the simple things that I feel I’m stuck with. Like my tendency to lead others.
One night during debrief, my squadmate Susan spoke a vision over me. She said she saw me as a beautiful purple peonie in a field of thousands of other peonies, all following my lead. Purple represents a very royal color and in the Kingdom of God, He sees us all as royal heirs. The flowers represented people, all following in time. I knew in my heart what God was trying to tell me.
Leadership. Discipleship. Fellowship.
These three words are very heavy words. They carry a lot of weight in them. They have connotations for you and for me. I have good and bad experiences with each of them, especially when I was trying my hardest to embody perfection in them.
Even still, God calls us to lead, He calls us to disciple each other, He calls us to fellowship with each other. Each one comes with its own difficulty, and trials. And no one can reach perfection in any of them. God promises that a life with Him is better, not easier.
God has called me to lead. He desires for me to use the talents He has given me to stand up, and stand out. This sounds glamorous but man, it seems to be taking the most amount of inner work and healing. I am learning how to lead by following, and most importantly, how to be led by Him. That kind of submission is almost painful because of how much my flesh wants independence and rebellion.
Discipleship is not easy. You know that verse, ‘when iron sharpens iron’ well boy oh boy have I thrown that around way to easily in the past. Giving true, honest feedback to my, now friends has taken some serious guts. Then, when my heart is laying there on the table, it’s my turn for feedback. It burns a little, sometimes a lot. Yet, it grows me closer, trusting more in these girls that are now my family. Shout out to them for being incredible sisters, teachers, and the iron that sharpens my iron.
Finally fellowship, which seems to be a never ending activity around here (it’s true, you really are NEVER alone on the race haha). It’s been tough to be intentional with a group of 30 people that are running around trying to get to know each other, while gaining a good amount of rest, and working through some of the toughest trials of their life! It definitely isn’t all fun and games, to say the least. However, I have been learning some incredible lessons from the 6 men on our squad. They are reshaping the way I view men and how women are to be treated by them as well. My definition of a ‘Godly man’ is drastically changing in a way that only true brothers can cultivate. Shout out to them for protecting us and really loving us with no expectations in return!
Also, God doesn’t have expectations of us. He expects nothing from us. Not because He doesn’t want to be let down, or because He already knows what we are going to choose. He loves us completely. He loves you COMPLETELY. We are His perfect children. Everything, in Him, is perfect. He looks at us and sees whole people, lacking nothing. He delights in us. Even when we don’t grow and change and go on a year long missions trip. Did you know that? Well now, you do.
Thank you for keeping up with this incredible journey called my life! Please share this blog, maybe by email, to some people that maybe don’t even know me or what The World Race is. Some people may just need a little bit of encouragement!
Prayer Requests:
1. Visa applications! We are working on Visa’s to get into Suriname and Brazil in the next month
2. Inner-healing in my life – God is doing some knarly things to grow and change me, it’s definitely been grace filled but I need that courage to keep taking steps forward
3. My team in Bartica, Guyana! My team of 5 girls are headed to a smaller village in the next few days for 2 weeks to do ministry in a VERY spiritually dark place
