This month we are featuring stories of transformation — stories all about who God is and what He does in the human heart.
Hannah Midgett of 2014 J Squad has spent her life battling the lie of “not being good enough.” Now she is choosing to share the victory of believing what God says about her.
Find the common thread in these memories:
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Getting a C on my report card for the first time.
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Sobbing in the stairwell after my senior year basketball state championship because I didn’t get to play and contribute to our win.
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Getting wait-listed to one of the colleges I applied to.
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Hearing that a high school teacher told my mom I shouldn’t take AP Physics because I wasn’t smart enough.
“Not good enough.”
The other day, I sat at my kitchen table sobbing as I wrote out memories like these. Each one stung as the words hit the paper.
It seems ridiculous to be crying over high school memories of getting a C on a report card, or not getting to play in a basketball game; I realize that. But it’s not necessarily the events themselves that brought on the tears. It was the lie I told myself as a result of each event:
“Not good enough.”
The lie instilled in me over and over again as I failed to perform perfectly, and as I failed to meet the standard I held myself to and the standard those around me were held to.
“Not good enough.”
The lie that pushed me to try harder, do more, be embarrassed by, and eventually try to hide from any and all of my flaws.
Not smart enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not athletic enough.
Not funny enough.
Not friendly enough.
Just. not. enough.
At the time, I was clueless about the negative view I held of myself and my worth. I had stuffed it so far down I didn’t know it existed.
Once I got to college, this insecurity birthed new ways of coping and feeling confident. The ways I coped were destructive and only left me feeling more empty and worthless than I had felt to start with. It was a nasty cycle, especially since I told myself I was confident in who I was.
Shortly before and during the Race, I dealt with my past. The shame and guilt for what I did and how I viewed myself weighed me down more than I realized. I felt a burden on my spirit that only instilled this lie even more. I repented and asked for forgiveness countless times, but it took me months to truly realize and accept that God’s forgiveness was enough.
It took even longer for me to forgive myself.
Now I’m finding myself right back where I was, except this time, I’m not dealing with past mistakes. I’m dealing with straight-up insecurities.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Because there’s a freedom that comes when you voice your insecurities and the lies you’ve believed about yourself. Yes, it feels super vulnerable and makes you want to crawl into a hole. That’s just the reality of the situation. But once you voice it, the lie begins to lose its power over you. It starts to seem much smaller. Once it’s smaller, it becomes much easier to believe the truth.
I’m done with lies. I’m done with insecurities. I choose to believe the truth.
I am loved.
I am valued.
I am priceless.
I have been made new.
My Creator has declared that I am enough.
Do you want to see God’s transformative power at work in 11 countries in 11 months? CLICK HERE to see our August and October 2016 Routes!
