I am not going on the July World Race. In this situation, I think it’s important to begin with the end because that’s where life can be found. If you would have told me beforehand that this would be the result of training camp I would probably have cried, laughed or, most likely, made a contingency plan. Now I am able to write these words with a mixture of relief and expectation—and a little shame. It’s hard to realize you don’t have to together. Yet, this isn’t a terrible place to be. God showed me over the course of ten days—through a bum knee and a group of people willing to tell me like it is—that I have been living and acting out of my own powers… and failing pretty grandly at it. This is not said out of condemnation, because the simple truth is that I was not created to live this way! My worth must be found solely in God. My heart must be made flesh and begin feeling, beating, and loving again. That is what God has spoken to me and that is what the next season of my life is about.
So what am I doing and where am I going now? Home. I am returning to the place and people I have been running from the last three years. I am not working a job, but instead serving my mother, father, and sisters. I am surrendering my identity, ambition, pride, reputation, and the Race—all to God. He has asked me, “Am I enough? If I created you to simply sit at my feet and worship Me, could you be satisfied? No family. No possessions. No greatness. Just Me. Am I enough?” So I say yes, praying everyday I can make choices that give that answer meaning. I say yes, feeling like I just jumped off a huge cliff and I don’t know yet if I am falling or flying. I say yes, praying I can become a Mary, because I have been a Martha for awhile now, and I really need some rest.
**I am most likely not going to be blogging for awhile. But if any of you wish to keep in contact with me or have questions please feel free to e-mail me at [email protected].**
