Ask any World Racer to talk about the parts of the Race that changed them the most, and you’ll be sure to hear the word community. Community is an essential facet of the World Race – living and working with a team of 6-8 other people 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for 11 months.
It’s in community that Racers learn some of our most important lessons, and it’s the lifelong friends we make that we remember with the most joy. But it’s not always easy. True community gets messy, and every team has hard days. For most Racers, living in community is both the best and hardest part of the Race. And now, we invite you into our teams – our families – to experience life with us.
This story comes from Tiffany Prater of the January 2011 V Squad. We shared Tiffany’s story last year, but it was so good, we wanted to share it again for those of you who are new or who might have missed it then.
For a lot of the Race, Tiffany hated one of her teammates. She honestly thought nothing could repair their relationship. But God is in the business of restoration and writing beautiful stories.
The root can be traced back to my first serious relationship in high school when I dated someone who cheated. I felt abandoned and rejected. Every relationship from that point on was the same story, different guy. It started affecting all of my relationships – personal, work, school, romantic, family, friends. I was so afraid of being rejected or abandoned that I started doing it first.
If you didn’t agree with me, if I thought you might want to break up, if I was intimidated by you, then I reject you. I’m out. I don’t need this job. I don’t need you as a friend. I don’t want to spend my life with you. I don’t need you. So you can’t reject me and you certainly can’t walk out on me because I beat you to it. I ruined many friendships, sabotaged many relationships, and lost a few jobs this way.
Enter: The World Race.
They put you on a team with six other people. Some people you naturally click with. Some people you need to try a little harder to make it work. Some people you hate. Hate? Yes.
There was a girl on my team who became my team leader, and I started hating her in Month Four of the Race. She made a decision (in hindsight, the right decision), but I didn’t agree with it. We kept it secret though – the girls on my team knew what was going on, but the guys had no clue. And it slowly ate away at our team for the next two months. I would say I forgave her and that it was fine, but it wasn’t fine. I kept praying, “God please change my team,” and I lost it when I found out at our Month Five debrief that there weren’t going to be any more team changes.
Enter: Month Six in Thailand.
A lot of junk went down with me this month – so on top of being in a crazy spiritual atmosphere, doing red light district ministry, ministering in the slums, and having my heart broken, I also wasn’t getting along with my team. I had let bitterness nearly destroy me.
(In case you didn’t notice, I wasn’t having the greatest “Christian missionary attitude,” but this is real life un-sugarcoated.)
Looking back, I hate how much I hated Joy. Yep, that’s her name. Ironic, isn’t it? That I hated Joy?
I remember calling my parents so frustrated and asking them to pray for me. And they did. And my teammates did. And, finally, one night my team addressed it.
“Tiffany, why don’t you like Joy?”
I had no response.
I didn’t know why I didn’t like her. She reminded me of someone from my past that I didn’t like? She made one decision that I didn’t agree with? I didn’t know. I braced myself for an argument. I imagined them accusing me of ruining the team dynamic. Why couldn’t I just get along with everyone? Why did I need to cause problems? But instead I received grace.
“Well, obviously this is something spiritual then. And it’s not just your problem – it’s our whole team’s problem.”
Instead of continually sweeping it under the rug and ignoring it, my team confronted it. And they had secretly made a plan.
“This is what’s going to happen: Every day you and Joy are going to have a one-on-one for an hour, and you have to talk, you can’t just stare at each other. And every night, as a team, we’re going to pray over you two until you become friends.”
I looked at her and everything inside of me told me to leave. Run. But I knew I would regret it. So, begrudgingly I agreed. And the first one-on-one was awkward. We sat in my bedroom and engaged in small talk for an hour. Luckily we lived in a city, so we started planning little outings. It only took two days before we started getting along and there was a notable change in our team dynamic.
It’s been over a year since this night in Thailand took place and, miraculously, I can now say that I consider Joy to be one of my closest friends. She is someone I respect and whose opinion really matters to me. She is someone I keep in regular communication with, even when we’ve both been in different countries. She’s one of my biggest cheerleaders and I’m one of hers. I’m so proud of who she is and what she’s going to do with her life. This is real. It wasn’t a fake out just to please the team. There is redemption.
This was never about Joy and me. It was about me and my battle with rejection and abandonment. She represented all of the people I ever rejected or walked out on. My team was right – this was a spiritual battle. And, this time, I stayed. I chose right. I conquered.
You have a unique opportunity today. You can conquer the demons that have haunted you your entire life. You can choose differently. You have the opportunity to make the right choice. Forgive the people you need to forgive and apologize to the people you need to apologize to. Decide to change your attitude and walk it out as you move forward. It really is that easy.
To the spirit of rejection: I reject you. And to the spirit of abandonment: I abandon you. Love wins.
