Month 1 debrief was a whirlwind to say the least.. I can honestly say that today I am walking in greater freedom than I have ever experienced. God has moved in such a huge way already during my time here in Nepal. He has made it abundantly clear that I am a child of the most high King, and set me free from something that has held me from fully walking in His fullness for 12 years, long before I accepted Christ into my life. That is the topic of todays blog.
FREEDOM.
It’s something we all strive for. And in our individual minded western society that involves doing what you want, when you want, without the burden of having to conform to rules set for you by someone else. God is calling all of us to walk in a freedom that is so much more rich than that. He didn’t just send His son just so we could have a ticket into heaven after we die. He came here so we could walk along side Him on this earth, living our lives out in a way that gives us a fullness that we couldn’t possibly achieve on our own, and then spread that light to others through our ACTIONS. He came to set us free from the enemies strongholds in our lives and in our hearts. This is the story of how he broke one of those chains this week.
We arrived in Kathmandu around 1 am on Friday night, November 4th. After claiming my bed and dropping my bags off at the hostel, I did what came most naturally to me. I went out. This wasn’t hard in Thamel, the part of the city our hostel was located, which is very much a party minded, busy section of the city. It was only a short walk half a block to the nearest club, where we proceeded to start drinking. We had some great conversations and met some really cool people, and after a couple tequila shots and a few beers I asked the owner of the place if I could come dj the next night, and he gladly offered me a 1 am spot with a free bar tab. We headed back to the hostel around 4 am and passed out until around 10:30 Saturday morning, ready for a fun day in the city.
Saturday morning we woke up ready to conquer Kathmandu. I wish I could tell you that I spent my time at debrief resting and preparing for the month of ministry ahead, but that’s just not the case. We rented mopeds and rode around the city all day, exploring and taking in the sights and sounds. We rode up to one of the oldest temples in Nepal, which happens to be inhabited by hundreds of monkeys, and explored every corner of the city. It was a day to remember. But as amazing of a day that it was, one thing that sticks out to me is the fact that God wasn’t present in any of this. I’m not saying every activity has to be ministry related, but it’s not about what you do, it’s about your heart through those experiences. And he wasn’t there. Just like he wasn’t there as day turned to night and we began drinking again. We spent another night in Kathmandu out on the town, with me playing tunes at the club late into the night.
This pretty much continued for the next 2 nights, with a few team-related meetings in between, and nights of music and drinks being the main highlight. This is how I have lived my life for as long as I can remember. But the Lord didn’t bring me to Kathmandu to do the same thing I have always done. He brought me here to change my heart and the very fabric of my soul. He brought me here to break chains.
Tuesday, November 8th was another night on the town. Any day is a good day to party in this city, and I finally made it back to the hostel around 3:30 am, about 2 hours before I was to leave for my flight around Everest. So instead of grabbing a couple hours of sleep, I decided to have another drink and stay up until the flight. We headed out to the airport a couple hours later, all of my squad-mates rubbing their eyes drinking their morning coffee, and me still up and buzzing. The flight was amazing. We enjoyed champagne high above the Himalayas, and by the time we made it back around 9am, I was ready to crash. Little did I know that that day, unlike every day of debrief so far, was a day full of activities planned for the squad. 30 minutes into the first session I knew I wasn’t going to make it. I slipped out, went down to my room, and closed my eyes for some much needed rest.
I opened my eyes to our squad leader, Ashley Francis, standing over me. “Did you go out last night?” She asked me, eyes full of disappointment. All I could do was shake my head yes, too tired to try and explain. “You can never get this time with Bob back. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be constantly running.” I looked at my watch and saw that it was almost 2 pm. I had slept through our man-time. Bob, our squad mentor, who had flown around the globe to be with us during this debrief, had set aside this time to pour into us men. And here I was asleep missing the whole day. Fran, as we call her, exited the room, leaving me to soak in what had happened. I couldn’t leave because all of the women were outside in the courtyard enjoying their time together.
My initial response was on of self-victimization. “I didn’t drink that much last night” I told myself. “I don’t understand why she would attack me like that”, “I’m not running, I came around the world to chase after the Lord.” But the more I sat there and let God speak I realized that I was running. I was running back to the things that had given me false comfort for so long. I was so wrapped up in the lies that satan was telling me that I needed something bad to take place in order to make me realize that a change needed to happen. I spent the remainder of the day doing scheduled one-on-ones with our leadership, talking about what the Lord was saying to me through this experience and processing everything.
My good friend Marlin gave me a really good word that day. He told me that when you call out a sin and own it you gain power and leverage over it. So I’ll share with you the harsh truth that the Lord brought to the forefront of my mind.
I am an alcoholic.
The moment I realized that and repented I was no longer the thing that had plagued me for so long, but instead realized I am a prince, and a child of the most high God. I knew what I had to do.
I would give up alcohol for the remaining 10 months of my race.
I thought to myself, “What if instead of drinking and being a tourist for these 5 days I had spent that time with the Lord? How much closer to Him would I have been? How much closer to Him will I be over the course of 10 months?” I know this won’t be easy. The important things seldom are. But I don’t have to do it alone. I serve a God who isn’t in some faraway place, unreachable and distant. He is in my heart. And I’m part of a team that is here with me through all of it. That night I announced to my squad what the Lord had done. 5 of the men pledged to walk this out with me.
God changes lives. Just take a look at mine and that is abundantly clear. His love is infinitely bigger than the Himalayas, and his grace much more beautiful. Today I feel a freedom that I have never experienced.
That glass of champagne high above the world will be my last for a very long time.
This was a weekend in Nepal I will never forget. Not because of the nights out on the town, but because of the radical change in my heart. I am so desperately in Love with the Lord. Words fail me. But I do know that if you give him a chance He will change your heart, just as he has changed mine, and you can TRULY walk in freedom, just as I am today.
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow is the gate and difficult the way that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”
-Matthew 7:13-14 TLV
