Unlike most, I enjoy being completely real with people. I love diving into deeper relationships, and I dislike surface level friendships. I’m an all in type of guy, and I feel like I’ve been cheating on these blog posts. There’s been some pretty heavy things going on in my life these past two months, and I’ve been completely skirting around the issues. See at the beginning of my journey to the Race, I wrote about having to lay down my pride and ask for donations (which you all have absolutely blown me away with your support, and I hope you continue to if you are called to). But the thing is, that was just the beginning of me learning to lean on the Lord for provisions. Let’s just say that whatever blow to my pride I felt earlier, it has been completely overshadowed.
So what’s the big event or whatever that I have been teasing at for the past 160 words? Well to fully explain it, I need to go back into my past. Growing up, I would say that I had a generally happy childhood. I don’t have any terrible memories, but to be honest, I really don’t remember much from before I was 12 or so. I honestly just felt so blessed as a kid. All of my friends around me had parents who were divorced or were going through divorce, and here I was with my family perfectly together. Or so I thought. The great thing about being a kid is, you don’t quite understand everything going on in your life, especially when you’ve seen this particular thing since birth. My father had an intense alcohol problem when I was growing up, and I didn’t quite see it until I was in the 8th grade. I would be so carefree bringing my dad his beers whenever he got home from work, most of the time I would even offer to go grab it for him. I couldn’t see what it was doing to him or to my mother. I couldn’t understand the arguments, or the anger that stemmed from this addiction. I had seen people getting drunk before, and I new it was wrong. The odd thing is, I never recognized my own dad getting wasted on a regular Tuesday night. It really never occurred to me that there was a problem, that was until one summer when my dad said he was going away for a week to detox. That’s when the fragile house of cards that was built for me began to fall down. I remember the moment he told me. We were sitting in a car with my brother, and he just started balling about his problem. My reality and perception of my father were shattered. I finally saw what I couldn’t. Honestly, I am rather thankful for this time. Not only did it open my eyes to the realities of the world, it also caused me to fall back into the Lord.
Now flash forward to a couple of months ago. After years of prayers and tears, my father finally returned to the Lord, and I thought all was well. This new found faith also came with a new set of wounds. My father came clean about his lies, and he showed me the truth that I once again was missing. See the thing was, I knew my father had a beer on occasion, I was always good at finding the cans that he tried to hide. The thing I didn’t know about was the mini-fridge completely full of empty beer cans. I was so angry, here I was thinking that I had my eyes open for years, and yet I was completely in the dark. Again. This time was different though, this time my dad was going to completely commit to going to rehab. This was not just some one week cleansing; this was a one year commitment to bettering himself for my family. Two months of making this decision, my dad left a week after my high school graduation for a program called Teen Challenge. Honestly, this place sounds more like a boot camp than a rehabilitation center, but this is what my father needs to pull himself up.
At first it was easy to rejoice over this decision, yet as his departure drew closer and closer reality began to set in. My mother would essentially become a single mother, left to raise four kids on her own. On top of this, there were bills to pay, and a son leaving for the mission field. None of these things are cheap by any means, and there was no way we could stay afloat. See I had thought that I was learning the depths of the Lord’s provision when I had started fundraising for my trip, boy was this a punch to the gut. My family was left with our hearts shattered, having no idea what to do. This is the moment when I began to see the provision that comes from trusting in the Lord. How absolute dependence can lead to something greater than ourselves. My goodness, has the Lord provided for me and my family. We have experienced incredible blessings like strangers buying us dinner and people even loaning us a car. When you give in to the Lord and begin to depend on Him, you truly begin to see the heart of the Father for His children.
Just writing about taking financial support from people in the form of donations was difficult, but being gifted with funds just to pay the bills and buy food is complete agony. The punch hurts even worse whenever I think about being a man, and how I’m supposed to support my family. It took quite a long time for me to realize that this may be my family, but this isn’t MY family. I’m not the one who is failing my mom and my siblings, that failure rests on my father’s shoulders. This is where my heavenly Father picks up the slack; this is where my Abba Father shines through. God has done such amazing things for me and my family these past two months!
The Lord has also provided for me in more ways than just finances; He has given me much more. Even today He has provided, I just simply asked Him to give me a word, just some sort of sign that I’m heading down the right path. Boy oh boy, did He. It came in the shape of a kind woman giving me a piece of paper, just stating the location of a verse. The second I turned to the scripture, Matthew 5:14-15, my heart immediately had the answer. The Lord loves to provide for us; it’s just about asking for it. I mean we even ask for it in the Lord’s prayer, “Give us this day our daily bread.” Our daily bread far exceeds a simple loaf people, our daily loaf of bread is a complete blessing from our Father.
These past two months have been such a time of spiritual growth for me, it’s crazy seeing how deep I have gone by learning to completely depend on the Lord. Peace has been brought to my heart on a daily basis, whether in the form of provision for my family or financial support for the Race. It’s here that I want to say thank you so much for the support that you all have blessed me with! It is with your help that I have been able to meet my first goal of $5,000, and there was no way I could have done it without you. The thing is I’m not done, and I have to ask for support once again. My next goal is the whopping sum of $10,000, and I desperately need the continued support of my brothers and sisters. No matter if you’ve already donated or not, I would like to ask you to sit down and ask the Lord about supporting me. If He calls you to do so that is fantastic! If you do not feel called to give, I would love it if you would keep me and my family in your prayers, and ask that you would share about me and my journey! I love each and everyone of you, and I pray for you daily! I can’t express the gratitude and love I have for you, just a simple thank you falls short of what I feel.
Blessings,
Tucker Stevens
